Dear Suze Q. I had a horrible argument with my boyfriend of 6 months. He slapped me -that shocked me to death. He immediately apologized and slept in the other room until we talked civilly. He was sooo apologetic and promised he’d never do it again if I gave him a second chance. His father was abusive to his mom and sibs growing up, but I’ve never experienced it before. What should I do?
Dear Shocked, From my professional background having worked with too many people involved in abusive relationships, my advice is a no-brainer and it should be for you too. The rule is: YOU NEVER TOUCH A PERSON WHEN ANGRY. One act of abuse is once too many. Odds of reoccurring violence is higher than chance, and although numbers vary, intimate partner violence (IPV) is serious, even deadly. I won’t advise giving a second chance, but if you do, safeguard yourself with this minimal list: 1) tell a confidant immediately what has happened so they can keep you honest and act as a “devil’s advocate,” stay aware of your progress, and be a supportive friend; 2) be in couples counseling for a minimum of 3 months; 3) keep an emergency go-bag and have a place to stay if anything abusive reoccurs. Safety beats love every time. -SQ
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