She’s A Hugger

Dear Suze Q. This old age is a crock, and finding a companion is exhausting. I agree with the complainers I read on-line that celibacy isn’t terrible. The fakes want me to buy them happiness, the self-indulged want praise, those struck in glory days are broken records of boring drivel. One good woman I date is a hugger. I’m not used to that but I’m getting to like it, and her.

Dear Old, You’ve labeled a lot of people. Does this mean you’re pretty inflexible and set in your ways? If so, a hugger maybe exactly what you need to soften you and help you live longer. Human touch is a primal need, -infants can die without it. Surf the internet for the benefit of touch. And who knows, even a crusty old guy like you might not be celibate much longer. -SQ

Gray (Re)Marriage

Dear Suze Q. I found my forever companion in my 60s. How do I introduce him? Boyfriend, companion, friend all sound so lame. He wants me to call him husband but to marry again at this late stage? 

Dear 60, The US average age for first marriage is 29-years-old according to 2023 Pew Research data, and divorce is 8 years later. Skip ahead and you get a gray (or silver) divorce, because you stuck it out 30+ years with #1 spouse or had a few in between. Now comes “gray” remarriage. Not to get pregnant and raise a brood, but for companionship. This time to ward off depression, loneliness, mental/physical decline from aging. Get remarried if you want your partner to have rights to critical things as you slide towards the end of life: power of attorney over your health, and wealth. Consider if your heirs will argue bitterly after your death, so plan wisely. -SQ;

No Tattoo Me

Dear Suze Q. My college bff wants her bridesmaids to have matching tattoo roses (her new last name), so we can all remember the day. Everyone’s in but me. I think it’s the dumbest, most selfish thing ever. My dad’s on his third wife, so I don’t much trust permanence, be it ink or marriage.

Dear Doubter, Tell, don’t ask, the bride that you’re against inking your body and why. Agree to her design with a custom, non-permanent tattoo (lasting 2-10 days) from Inkbox, Noonah, etc. -SQ

Influencers Said So!

Dear Suze Q. My college-age daughter is so naive she thinks influencers are a final authority, even after knowing what a wreck or imposter they are in their real life. She's on our payroll 100% and agreed to a home course that the whole family will do for an hour a week to teach critical thinking. Ideas?

Dear Critical and Practical Dad, Terrific plan! In the olden days we taught our children how to budget and balance a check book. Today's youth needs to budget their digital time with real world interactions, and balance interacting with friends/family versus influencers/con artists/bad actors. So, back to basics with learning how to survive in the overwhelming and scary world that came with the miracles of the internet. Critical thinking requires a structured approach to problem-solving and decision-making. Follow these steps: 1. ID the problem (be specific); 2. Collect facts (verified by 2-3 independent sources); 3. Analyze facts (patterns, bias/opinion v facts, weigh importance); 4. Develop several solutions, and pros/cons of each; 5. Make a decision; 6. Implement the decision; 7. Evaluate the outcome. -SQ

Tattoo You

Dear S.Q. “You know what’s not sexy?” said my wife the day she left me. I thought of a million things because ruining my marriage was my damn fault. “A 60-year-old overweight, alcoholic covered with tattoos.” I was 20 at the time when tattoo artists weren’t really artists. Can I revive my ink? 

Dear Inked, And here I thought you’d be asking about your failed marriage. The best places for tattoos are where there’s the least sun, friction, and skin stretching. Age will accelerate color fading, and excessive details blur over time. Alcohol robs the body of hydration needed to keep ink supple. So see a reputable tattooist and follow their instructions, especially about skin care. Then give your wife her divorce since she’s not even a priority. -SQ

Adult Baby/Diaper Lover OR Crock Of Shit

Dear Suze, I’m dating a guy with a high stress job who periodically wears adult diapers. He had me see videos about practicality on long drives or gaming marathons; once forbidden things become common; how it’s “hot” to have power to be taboo. I thought I was Alice talking to the Mad Hatter. Am I nuts?

Dear Alice. Comfort, rebellious, regression to safety, shock and awe, are some reasons given for adults who love wearing baby diapers. Maybe it’s also, “look at me! I’m relevant!” But once you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. Are these people a waste of your time, lovable and just need to be understood, or something else. You choose. Just another option in the smorgasbord of life. -SQ

Enthusiasm

Dear Suze, I adore the guy I’m living with, partly because he’s so damn upbeat. Mostly, he really feels this way, but he adds a layer that sucks you in to believe it’s true. We’re in our late 60s and it’s comfortable that we’re so compatible. We’re past our thrilling youths, fantastic careers, travel and glamor. We like naps, and long, slow dog walks (she’s old too). We’re content, but sometimes bored.

Dear Old, Boring just means you’re not using your imagination enough. Try a psychological trick called thought-stopping. The second “boring” hits your consciousness, stop the thought and act differently. It helps to physically move, even to squirm in your seat, to jerk you out of boredom. Meet his enthusiasm, be passionate, -that’s never boring. -SQ