Tesla Apology

Dear S.Q. I saw this bumper sticker (and blocked the license plate), agreeing whole heartedly. California is the home to Tesla and we were thrilled to show our tourists Disneyland, Hollywood, the Tesla and SpaceX plants, until Musk created DOGE, and turned into a criminal. But you have to squint to read this apology. Why?

Dear Los Angeleno, Probably because it is only a half-assed “apology.” It really isn’t the Tesla owner who should be apologizing. But, they don’t want any retaliation against their car or self because of anger toward Musk, and not because he’s crazy. Let’s be honest here -we all love our crazy geniuses. It’s the criminals and immoral bastards we hate. These days, you’ll have to squint to read a public apology, cup your ear to faintly hear someone in power’s mea culpa, and check if a VIP is cheeking (instead of “swallowing) a bitter pill” for something they’ve done wrong. “Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.” -Lord Acton. “The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy, the empathy exploit.” -Elon Musk, c. and i. b. -SQ

Starting Again

Dear SQ, I want a new me. I’ve 15 good years left and I want them to count. I want to overhaul me while I uncluttered my house. What do I do with this motherlode I’ve outgrown? 

Dear Mother, What a wonderful problem! Shed that old skin and emerge a butterfly!  Redo your home and self. Break tasks down into sizeable chunks or nothing will ever get done. Easiest to decide what to KEEP and what to TRASH (including friends who aren't friends, make-up that's old and dry). The remaining big pile is the one that needs your thoughts: 1) GIVE AWAY: to charity, animal shelters (towels, sheets, blankets), vintage book and record stores; to your kids (inheritance early); 2) REPURPOSE: dead dildos as garden ornaments, coffee grounds as mulch, used baggies to rid cat litter waste; 3) SELL: Develop your renovation into a hobby. Artwork, valuables -contact auction houses, Etsy, or your neighborhood network. Garage sales. Then BUY: a dating app, new hair style, How To Host a Murder Mystery Party game, group exercise class. 

Think like a business owner. What to DO? Take rabbit-hole side trips often and enthusiastically to LEARN what you need to know -how does Esty work, what companies are best for dating, which sex toys are actually dead or just need new batteries. You loved these treasures, now love passing them forward so you can update with new ones. -SQ

Don’t Piss on Poison Ivy

Dear Suze, When we were kids, we often played in the woods behind our house. And naturally we had to pee sometimes, so we pretended to paint the leaves and trees yellow. Great fun until the time I got poison ivy all over my crouch, penis, hands... Agony for days. Now my crazy ex has posted a picture of the scar on my dick. I'm pissed. What's the recourse?

Dear Pisser, Several remedies are available to you. 1) Own the post and spin it to your advantage, “Yes, ladies, the scar tissue adds thickness to my girth,” or "Scars add character;" 2) Deny the post is you and make a joke; 3) Demand she remove the post or you'll seek resolution; 4) Report her to the social media site and insist they resolve the problem; or finally 5) Threaten or take her to Court. Most states have laws against "revenge porn" -dissemination of intimate images. -SQ  

Homemade Sex Toys

 

Dear Suz, I’m a long-haul trucker, married with teens. I love my wife and never been unfaithful, ‘tho I get lots of offers for sex. I make sex toys as a hobby for my lonely nights alone and for fun with the wife. Here’s my favorite. For an immediate climax, insert gently into the urethral meatus and twirl. 

Dear Toy Maker, Seems like you’ve handmade something clever, although the stabey part looks sharp and dangerous. Maybe that’s the lure. -SQ

No Gigalo Joes

Dear S.Q. I’m a wealthy, independent widow in my 60s, active with season tickets and travel plans. My dates think I’m a sugar momma to support them forever. I allow second dates if I think we can be equals -maybe not financially, but can he teach me a skill, open my eyes to a new adventure. I’d love a companion for life but not sure how to approach this subject. 

Dear Wealthy and Wise, Many of us love men. We want and desire them. But, we don't need them. A companion often is best when similarities align, like age, cultural and religious beliefs. If $ continues to pause most new relationships, discuss it head-on so you’re clear the other needs to carry his weight equally in some fashion. Maybe he’s the chef and you buy groceries; you pay for events and he drives and pays for parking. Think creatively but remember to verify his history -that speaks truer than words. No need for a Gigolo Joe. -SQ

Girls’ Code at 50

 

Dear Readers, From a young age, females learn the secrets of The Girls’ Code. In my debut book, Cyber Frogs and Princes: A Sex Manual of On-Line Dating After 50, by Suze Q (available on Amazon, Google Books, Walmart), I share my first memory on pages 105-106: "The Code begins as early as your preteens when you're giggling with your girlfriends that some boy is 'cute.' She passes the info to him... Best case scenario is that you go 'steady' with him for a day or two, but you've gained a sister-in-arms forever; a solidarity that no male could ever break, or truly understand." Since then, I’ve violated the code accidentally and intentionally and been rewarded and punished accordingly, -much like a Momma lion raises her young. Dating in later life leaves little room for knowingly fucking up. Even though the amount of rules decreases, the weight and sacredness of each increases. 

Dear Suze, I’m conflicted, hurt, and sad by the behavior of a close friend. She started dating again after a nasty divorce with a controlling ex. She sleeps with anyone and seems hell-bent on proving something. At nearly 60, she’s trying to be a Lolita without the looks or the body. None of her dates are keepers or presentable in our social circles. She’s asked me why our girlfriends are shunning her. 

Dear GF, Honesty is part of the Girl Code, and as mature women, brutal honesty is a duty. More than ever, elevate and support one another in understanding her quest and dating journey. Do not abandon a sister in need. She’s asked for your help. You and other gfs need to cocoon her with love and support, and  get her on a safe and sane path. -SQ

FaceBook Ban. Good or Bad?

Dear Readers: Today's blog is asking you to gut check silencing and censorship in your world. My cyberfrogsandprinces.com FB page recently received these administrative notifications that my profile won’t be “recommend" to children even though I alerted FB that it was adult only content when I opened this account years ago. I'm not bothered by this "ban," but why now? What else is shifting? There are multiple pending lawsuits against FB regarding censorship and suppression of free speech, including from several U.S. states accusing Meta of designing services to be addictive and misleading about user safety, and accusations of government collusion to censor content. Collusion with the U.S. government, f*ucking WOW! Follow this story through your trusted news sources. -SQ