Hot & Horny Hanky-Panky

Dear SQ, My partner and I are busy but look forward to date nights without the kids, like when we courted. We’re both touchy-feely and love sex. How can we prolong the pleasure? 

Dear Sexual. Let’s think deep! Instead of jumping into another new sex position to get fired up, start with the brain to slowly get the juices flowing.

1) Mind-meld. No touching each other for 15 minutes, but lay face-to-face, and talk/giggle/play: truth or (no) dare/tell me a secret/tell me a fantasy/tell a story together alternating chapters/ask “would you rather” dirty questions/ask or show what would you like me to do to you & you to do for me/tell me one thing you like about the other. Use all your senses, except touch. 

2) Touch. Layer up and play strip poker, but the winner strips the loser. Blindfold both of you and slowly, simultaneously undress the other (wear lots of buttons, catches, zippers). Give your blindfolded partner a small food bit on a spoon to feed to you while lying nude in bed; when the spoon falls, they have to find the food somewhere on your body with their mouth as you verbally hint where to feel.

3) Out of bed (or house). Role play -at a crowded bar/restaurant/park, hook-up with your partner play-acting as a stranger. In public, but somewhat sheltered, touch underneath clothing/talk about clothes you’re not wearing/rub the other’s bulges (careful of the legalities). The tried-and true: doctor/patient, teacher/student, Tarzan/Jane (bondage), Batman/Poison Ivy (superpowers), naughty neighbors, repairman/homeowner…  Love to play and play to love. -SQ

My Prince Charming

Dear Suze, I've found my perfect prince after years of dating. I've revised my formula to the top three attributes: 1) takes care of himself and those he loves (from fresh breath to strong family ties); 2) equality (from 2-way conversations to balanced power in relationships); and 3) chemistry (an autonomic connection on an internal level that makes everything easy and a partnership). 

Dear Perfect Princess: That's a lot more complicated than tall, dark, and handsome which is often a formula for a fabulous one-night stand and nothing more. Congrats! This may be the winning combination. -SQ

Emotionally Avoidant

Dear Suze Q. I’ve been told I’m emotionally avoidant. I don’t even understand what that means. A relationship works or it doesn’t, for a short time or a long. It is what it is. When I get dumped, I immediately find a replacement to get me over my temporary sadness. 

Dear E.A. You don’t understand what these two descriptive words mean, or you don’t want to understand why they mean you? Simply said, you’re described as someone who runs and hides when emotions get deep and real. -S.Q

Nude & Natural OR Naked & Nasty? Or All Four?

Dear Suze Q. I was raised with breeding animals and 3 brothers -a different kind of animal, ;). Men think I’m loose because I like being nude, and love good sex. I’ve moved to a big city to get away from small-minded guys with small-town rumors, but I still attract the wrong guy. Do I have to change me?

Dear City Girl, You sound happy and healthy, so why change you? Just widen your dating pool and drop guys immediately who aren’t in synch with your free-and-easy life philosophy. -SQ

No Kings Day, June 14, 1848 to 2026

 

One month short of 178 years ago, the last king of France fled in exile after the storming of the Bastille, a prison fortress where kings locked away their political enemies, using instruments of torture like the Iron Maiden, the Strappado (rack), and bone crushers, igniting the French Revolution. Today’s French Republic is built on democratic ideals. Citing Voltaire, a French author, philosopher, and Bastille prisoner, “It is dangerous to be right, when the government is wrong.” -SQ

Zebra Striping

Dear Suze Q.  As a Baby Boomer, we still rock the world and rule the universe in our 60s and 70s. Pot and alcohol are drugs of choice but mostly to help sleep. Alternating Scotch (to get me high) with Irish Coffee (to sober me up) no longer keeps me alert, and smoking anything isn't always acceptable. My liver says I can't continue this. Thoughts?

Dear B.B., The younger generations are now struggling with this same hung-over-the-next-workday issue, but because each passing generation is more wellness-focused, they take an integrative approach to get high enough without the crash-and-burn from overindulging. Today's youth calls it "zebra striping," pronounced with a long “I” as in alternating stripes on a zebra, -striping. One stripe is an alcohol drink, the next is not. Maybe add a dooby hit or two to sleep. -SQ

Threat (from Others)

Dear Suze Q. I've dated some very threatening men who were like my father and ex-husband. I can't seem to recognize the pattern until I'm knee-deep. What are some warning signs. 

Dear Entangled, As this exposure started in your nuclear family and continues into your adulthood, you are way overdue for professional help to become emotionally healthy and perhaps save your life. A few questions to ask yourself that are by no means thorough: does this person have a history of violence, threats of violence, instability, psychiatric history, substance abuse (alleged or actual); have you been threatened directly or indirectly (shows intent); does the perpetrator have means (intentional use of force that causes fear or harm); and access (to weapons).  Answering "yes," to any of these questions is your alert: 911 for immediate, in-person assistance; call or text 988 for National (Suicide and) Crisis Hotline; and text HOME to 741741 for Crisis Text Line. Don't wait, every minute saves a life, and it could be yours. -SQ