Held To A Higher Standard

Dear S.Q. I'm a 45-year-old happily married man with two kids under 5, not yet in school, not ready for baseball. I married my wife because we were both party heavy and life was fun. Not so much now. I recently stopped smoking at my wife's insistence, maybe nagging. Did I make a mistake?

Dear Dad, Like all of us, I'm sure you made a mistake. Or 10. Which ones are you talking about? Bingeing in your mid-40s when most married couples have matured from recklessness to moderation? Smoking carcinogens around toddlers whose lungs and immune systems are not fully developed, jeopardizing their lifelong health? Or marrying someone with your good and bad habits, whom you love enough to change and grow old with, and evolve into a morally worthy father? According to Orphan X, "It's a sacred oath to raise someone. If you take on that responsibility, you hold yourself to a higher standard. A sacred oath to let them grow properly." It's time you chose. -SQ

Thoroughly Modern Dying

Dear Readers, A mentor in my early psychology career recently died. He was an influential figure with friends, admirers, and colleagues even after his retirement years ago. Although our contact was generally Christmas cards, I was honored to stay in the loop of family news. His sons posted a short announcement of his passing on his social media site with plans for a future celebration of life, welcoming all who wanted to attend. I responded with a private message to the sons, and they replied with a personal note and emoji 🖤.

I marveled how different, efficient yet warm, this notification of his passing was compared with only a few, short years ago when a family member would inform someone in the inner circle, who told someone else, someone else… Heartfelt sympathy dribbled in for months with cards, flowers, drop-in friends, with and without food and stories, so that grieving and healing was so raw that getting on with living was interrupted. Social media is a marvelous mechanism for simplifying in a personalized post the pain of reporting a great loss. The message is open to interpretation because there are no Miss Manners rules for this 21st century life event. What are your thoughts, Readers, on right and wrong etiquette? -SQ

Under the Skirt

There were some frogs I’ve dated so bold they took away my breath. But it takes more to sustain love than shock and awe. Such an example was -

Chapter 33: DON K. 

Silver Singles Dating App Name: Come Fly with Me

Frog Type: Sex Teaser

His profile said he was a pilot, but whether he owned his own Airbus A340 or a crop duster was a mystery. When we finally met at my favorite local restaurant, The Black Cow, “He wanted to hear about my experiences on Silver Singles. Specifically, if I’d slept with any of those men -yes. More precisely, that I’d slept with any of those men on a first date  -yes, again. He leaned in with his whole body, and reflexively I did also so that our legs touched. He stroked my hands with his thumb, lowered his voice in a conspiratorial whisper, and declared that he liked older, good-looking woman because they were attentive listeners and brought years of sexual experience to the ultimate pleasure pastime. With his free hand, under the table, he gripped the flesh of my inner thigh, then roughly slid up his spread fingers… He was a stark contrast to the first, and most memorable man, who had hungrily stroked my inner thighs in public some 40 years ago. That man I married.” 

 Cyber Frogs and Princes: A Sex Manual of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q continues the tale. Available on Amazon, Google Books, and even Walmart! -SQ

Bondage and Red Cross, A Book Excerpt

Chapter 26: BAT J. 

Elite Dating App Name: Masterson

Frog Type:                      Director

“As it turned out, he was in the hospitality business… As if an idea had just popped into his head, he asked if I’d even been, or would enjoy joining him on a trip to an all-nude luxury resort in the South of France… He’d pick up tickets today if I would like to go…

Bat: Would you be interested in bondage? There is a B&B in Salinas, only five hours drive up Pacific Coast Highway, with a fully equipped dungeon that caters to the ‘kink community’… I know the owners of Luxury Lifestyle Vacations. They have an international travel agency with 5-star hotels and luxury cruises for swingers. Are you interested in sex with a stranger? Condoms are readily available, but STD tests are not required…”

For the before and after stories, pick up a copy of  Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q available on Amazon, Google Books, and Walmart. 💋

“Must Be Currently Employed”

Dear S.Q. In my early 60s, I’ve found that full-time retirement isn’t for me. A self-employed handyman all my life, I’m done with wearing tool bags, hefting and lifting, and crawling on my knees. I’ve applied at places that don’t call back or their ads say “must be currently employed,” -isn’t this discrimination? 

Dear Handy, You’ve got a valuable skill so keep that foremost in your mind and sales pitch. And choosing to work rather than relaxing is commendable too. Gaps in your resume assume you’re lazy, difficult, or some other undesirable trait, but whether it’s discrimination and illegal depends on the state and  specific circumstances. Concentrate on selling your expertise and experience to employers who know your value, like home-improvement stores, or websites like Indeed or Monster.com. -SQ

Travels in my Mind

Dear Suze Q. My 65-year-old husband had a stroke, a wake-up call to overweight, too much alcohol, and limited exercise. He’s depressed that our retirement plans are over. The doctor recommends trips without strenuous activity when he recovers, but diet and alcohol need to change. How to help?

Dear Travel Partner, make travel plans and blame the doctor’s orders for insisting your husband get on-board with you. Step one is determine where to go. Have fun with brochures, videos, and interactive tours. Be creative and take virtual treks of the Great Wall of China, or an Arctic adventure, just to laugh about how THAT trip is out. Travel agencies have levels of accommodations to suit every client, so quietly do the ground work to determine, and book, the travel details -make it look easy so your husband is pampered even before the trip begins. -SQ

Momma’s Son

Dear Suze, I’m dating in my late 60s, and jeez, I've met all those frog types to avoid listed in your book. Finally, I found a prince who has a ton of good qualities and with the stand-out feature of adoring his aged mother. I am charmed!

Dear Princess Charmed, A man who loves his mother in a healthy way has the makings of an exceptionally good man. He is the culmination of the mother that raised him with love, respect, and the healthy life lessons learned through discipline. Secure in his masculinity, he knows about unconditional love and how to communicate a wide range of honest feelings while maintaining an emphatic bond. A romantic, a gentleman, and a role-model. Congrat on striking gold! Read more in my Chapter What You Should Know About: The Core of a Man, in Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q. Available on Amazon, Google Books and Walmart, Whoo Hoo! -SQ