Are You Complete Or Looking For Someone To Complete You?

Dear Suze, I date a variety of women, but none make me want to keep them.

Dear Dater, Is it them that aren’t keepers, or is it you? Are you looking for conquests, or compliments, or a trophy on your mantle? If you’re not comfortable being alone, no one can fill you up. Love yourself, then see the world through the eyes of a happy person, and date as a giver not a taker. -SQ

Is My GF Jealous Of My Teen Daughter?

Dear S.Q. I've lived with a zaney, vivacious woman for 5 years, since my daughter was 9. I only have my kid every other weekend and we take summer trips together, when my gf visits her relatives alone. It's gotten harder since my daughter has activities on weekends that I love to do, but my gf refuses. We argue about it. I want to act like a family but my gf wants no part of "childcare." 

Dear Dad, Does it feel like an ultimatum by your partner to choose between her or your daughter? Hopefully, you've got your head on straight that if you can't have both, then there's only one that deserves your love. You'll never have another daughter like this one, but jealous, self-centered, self-absorbed, controlling women are everywhere. Seems you wasted 5 years of your life and that of your daughter's unnecessarily. Make better choices in the future. -SQ

AITA on Reddit

Dear Suze Q.  I keep getting pop-up ads that start with AITA, then continue with some inane, sometimes funny, always odd, usually not worth a serious person’s time story. I hit delete but they keep coming back. What’s the deal?

Dear Serious, If you’re a soap-opera fan, this minutia is for you. Created in 2013, potential assholes post a supposed real life dilemma and ask the forum to judge if “Am I The Asshole?” Since hundreds of scenarios a day are posted by different people, when you block one, you’ve not blocking all. Though many posts are fake, the others show real morality daily struggles of complex interpersonal dynamics. And, naturally, it’s a fun place to kill time. -SQ

Dating And "Deal Breakers"

Dear Suze Q. I'm 70 and dating after 26 years of celibacy. I have a list of deal-breakers about religion, politics, and personal habits. I list them on the dating site and one man replied that he wants to know me but thinks that deal-breakers shouldn't be discussed until after a date or two. I think he's nuts. 

Dear Dater, The point of deal-breakers is to immediately rule out those whose behaviors/traits are unacceptable, and pursue those whose positive values/ideals align with yours. It's a time- and heart-break saver. Deal breakers are red flags so you don't waste time on useless dates. Refusing to talk about deal-breakers is the biggest red flag of all. Maybe he's nuts, but definitely he's incompatible. -SQ 

I Don’t Want Separate Beds

Dear Suze Q. My wife ask me if I want to sleep in separate rooms. She heard about a trend where couples, young and old, are increasingly sleeping apart for "improved health reasons" and have a stronger relationship. I love our bedtime routines and think it's an invaluable part of love. Am I wrong?

Dear Lover, You are right -for your situation. Others find that a "sleep divorce" -horrible term in my mind, began when someone didn't get a good night's sleep because of their partner's snoring, different sleep schedules, different temperatures/bed firmness, then found sleeping alone was good too. Of course, if the reason for separate beds is because the relationship is going to shit, this won't solve that problem and will probably make it worse by not confronting the real issues. -SQ 

My Neighbor’s “Proud” Of My Husband

Dear Suze Q, We had a neighborhood bar-b-que, and I overheard the femme fatale, always over-the-top flirty neighbor say she was “proud” of my husband for losing weight. “Proud” caught me all wrong, it was too intimate a word, so I teased him. He blushed and said she probably noticed when they’d worked out at the gym at the same time. My gut says they’re having an affair or about to. Help, my heart hurts.

Dear Heart, Gut reactions should never be ignored. Calmly, tell you husband exact what you just wrote: “proud of him” was a strange, overly-cozy word choice; why didn’t he mention they’d worked out together; why more than once; why not tell you the second or third time; why did he blush? When you clearly ask if they’re having an affair, or in the early flirting stages before an affair, does he blush again? That gut-reaction might send you straight to a marriage counselor or divorce lawyer. -SQ

Is It A Wobbler?

Dear Suze Q. I’ve dated a girl for 9 months and early on she got offended with an off-color joke I made.  She left abruptly but took my call later when I apologized. Next week, she yelled and told me to leave when we disagreed about a movie. I don’t understand and not sure I care to. 

Dear Leavee, You’ve got a wobbler, meaning it can go either way. In law, a wobbler can be a misdemeanor or felony. She left twice without sticking around for the tough stuff that makes a relationship strong and lasting: fair fighting, endurance, tolerance. Why wait for a 3rd strike? -SQ