Marriage Before You’re Ready

Dear Suze, I’ve been seeing a guy off and on forever. We even lived together for a year before he took a job out of state and didn’t ask me to come along. I was devastated and vowed to be done with him. But, we keep coming back together until something goes wrong. Should I just marry him and make it work?

Dear YoYo, Marrying is a world class stupid idea. After years together, you don’t even know what makes your relationship work or prevent it from repeatedly collapsing, so how could marriage help? Successful relationships, whether romantic, business, or anything else, requires hard work and neither of you has done squat. -SQ   

One Thousand Thread Count Sheets

Dear S.Q. When I landed my first job and apartment, my mom bought me a 1,000 thread count sheet set with the advice to always use them when I was alone, but only use them with company if I wanted to marry him. My sister gave me a set of black satin sheets with a wink and the sage words to use them if I wanted no hope of a good night’s sleep. I had no idea they were telling the truth. My husband and I spend hours in our Egyptian cotton luxury and it feels like a meadow of clover. The black satin is slippery…

Dear Princess, Many love stories were created under Egyptian cotton sheets. Thread count is a critical factors, but so is weave and construction that regulate sheet breathability to keep the temperature comfortable, softness, and strength and pilling. Remember the Princess who couldn’t sleep on 20 mattresses because it was lumpy due to a single pea? Worry no more, your Highness, get a good mattress, 600+TC sheets, add your Prince, and forever after happiness is guaranteed. -SQ

Job Opening: ACFE

Dear Suze Q. Our daughter doesn’t know where to go after college. Frauds and "influencers" are everywhere. She can’t tell who to trust for career guidance. Most of her friends are also despondent with no job prospects, but tons of brains, computer skills, and enthusiasm. 

Dear Parent, How about being a Certified Fraud Examiner (CFE), widely considered the “gold standard” in the anti-fraud industry? Seems like this profession will be critical in the future. Association of Certified Fraud Examiners requirements are high, rightfully so, a lot is at stake. Must have high moral character, bachelor’s degree or equivalent, minimum of two years of fraud-related experience, pass an exam in the areas of: financial transactions and fraud schemes; law; investigation; and fraud prevention and deterrence. Then she can wear the white hat and slay dragons! -SQ

Winter Boots, Book Excerpt, Page 28

 

In my book, Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q, I write about "One Christmas, the Hammacher Schlemmer holiday catalogue featured a Murder Mystery weekend at Mohonk Mountain Resort in Upstate New York" that my 10 years younger husband and I attended. "Our group had the run of the place for two days to gather clues. I dressed as a glamorous femme fatale; Thomas was a dashing man of mystery. Everyone was giddy when they found the fluorescent chalk outline of poor, dead Miss Scarlet in the Conservatory. But, for us, the best part was when Thomas ordered me to 'assume the position' after we returned to the scene of the crime at midnight, locked the doors, and had the darkened room to ourselves. He lovingly ravished me, tasting me in spots that were already moist. I was quite aroused, until the point when he clamped his hand over my mouth, explaining that he was reenacting the scene just before Miss Scarlet's lover bashed her head in with the candlestick."

Happy Libertine Day!

I complimented a 30-something-year old today on his JFK tattoo as he greeted us and other guests for his 4th of July pool party. He was bare-footed, buffed, well-tanned, and wore only red, white, and blue boardshorts. He recognized like-minded Libertines in me and J.D., neighbors and fellow Angelenos. As "freethinkers, people unrestrained by convention" (Webster's loose definition), he and his girlfriend weren’t celebrating America’s independence from Britain but rather the current war against our own President and his administration, hell-bend on destroying democracy. -SQ

Book Excerpt: What You Should Know About: Love And Sex After Fifty

I was in my 60s when I started my quest for my 'til death do us part Prince Charming. Most people join dating apps for emotional companionship. Sexual chemistry isn't often mentioned. It was one of my top "musts." My girlfriends loved sex in their youth, but had been without for so long that they didn't know how to approach dating. "Raising a husband was a pain in the ass the first time... but to do it again at this age? ...And the idea of a booty-call, friend with benefits, or a boy-toy was almost revolting; after all we are sophisticated women they cried, not whores, or randy 30-year-olds.  AARP writer, Mary-Ellen Banashek saw things differently in her article entitled, '17 Things I Embraced by 60.'  Number one on her list was acquiring a 'friend with benefits.' I'm with her one that one." -SQ    

Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 Is Suze Q's debut book, Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q is available on Amazon with laughs and giggles.

Ice Cube Lube, Book Excerpt, Page 387

 

A painfully touchy subject is elder sex, so I've addressed this messy topic several times in my book along with charming, fun, feel-good tips and quips. Page 387, 👀, "Bleeding is fairly common due to excessive dryness and vaginal tissue thinning when women haven't had sex for a prolonged period of time. The internet offers a slue of remedies, but the one I chose, that worked like a charm, was homemade coconut oil ice cube vaginal suppositories: freeze 100% coconut oil from your local grocer in an ice cube tray, preferably one with two-inch long cylindrical cubes. Place a towel under your bottom because you will leak when the cubes melt. Insert two cubes per night for a week or so and voila! You have a renewed, supple, self-lubricating vagina." -SQ

Cyber Frogs and Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50  by Suze Q is available for your licking, opps, I meant liking.