80/20 Listening Rule

Dear Readers. Well, really, this is for the men, so hand it to someone who could benefit. Many women complain about dating men who don't seem curious about them. That's a polite summary; they feel unappreciated, placated, and pissed off.

Dating, life, most everything that's important is better if equal and balanced with the one you love. The 80/20 rule asks men to listen (not pretending to listen while you’re figuring out what to say next) 80% of the time, initially, until you both get a rhythm, before the conversation naturally glides to 50/50. Like a tennis match -your turn, her turn, your turn to speak. Ask follow-up questions, how and why, share your vulnerabilities, your passions, your story, thoughts and dreams. Check yourself after each date -do you know as much new info about her as she learned about you? -SQ

Core Of A Relationship

Dear Suze Q. Dating apps ask for specifics about myself and my dreams. I can answer facts, -religion, deal breakers, hobbies. When they want a summary of what I want, I’m overwhelmed. I don’t trust other’s bios or pictures. Somedays, I just give up looking for a companion.

Dear Frustrated, Take a step back and breathe. You’ve nailed the specifics of what you want (and don’t want, I assume), now let’s find your person whose core values align. Some call it the 5 Cs. 1) Communication-critical to respecting each other, and endurance of the relationship. Follow “fair fighting” rules, see issues from the other’s POV, and resolve disputes; 2) Compassion-truly has the ability to feel and share feelings; 3) Character-the grit, the soul, summed up as all that makes a person their best; 4) Chemistry or magnetism-attraction beginning with the brain, includes all 5 senses, and even though it’s hard to define, you know if it’s there or not; 5) Compatible companionship-a comfortable fit, things are in-synch, it feels right. -SQ

She Sends Him Underwear!

Dear S.Q. My boyfriend’s old female roommate sends him underwear and shirts that she finds on sale. He sends her money and a thank you. He says they were never romantic though she wanted to be, and they’ve known each other since childhood. Is there a problem I’m missing? 

Dear Gf, On the surface, it seems odd and very intimate. But it may not be a problem unless you make it into one, or a missing piece comes to light. Wait and watch. -SQ

Performance Anxiety

Dear Suze Q, I’ve dated on-line with no winners. As a 60 y.o. male, my sexual parts work unpredictably and sometimes not at all. I worry every second I’m on a date -before and after. My deceased wife understood me, so we improvised. I’m a mess.

Dear Worried, Before your wife understood your sexual and emotional anxieties, she understood you as a partner and companion. You are more than your unpredictable sexual parts. Many possible mates are also scared of their sexuality, so focus on other topics of mutual interest. Try relaxation techniques and consult with your MD for treatment for performance anxiety (in your head and in bed). -SQ

First Impressions: Eye Contact and a Smile

Dear Suze Q. I’m a healthy, social guy in my 60s living in a big city so you’d think my dating record would be better than it is. I sometimes see attractive women in public places but fearful to talk to them.

Dear City Guy, You’re on the right track. You like them, they live close. 3 steps: 1) You look at them, they look at you, and you both hold eye contact long enough to smile or say something; 2) say something; 3) if it feels right, keep saying something for 5 minutes. By then you’ll know if it’s ok to see them again (contact info exchange), maybe see them again (they frequent that public place often), or never see them again. Tip: Rehearse on strangers, store employees, in the mirror…-SQ

The Rose

 

 My "What You Should Know About: Sex Toys" chapter mentions the Rose, a favorite as I grow my toy collection. I didn't grow up in an era where female masturbation was common, or at least not commonly spoken of. There was no need, especially in California where San Francisco's 1967 Summer of Love was followed by The Hippie Era and the Counterculture Movement were females burned their bras along side the guys burning their draft cards. Sex was free and easy, and taboos were shattered. Almost 50 years later, we hippie chicks number almost 300 M worldwide, and we're still unstoppable. 

 Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q

F. M. Shoes

An except from my "Chapter 5: From Virtual To Real, It Began With Adam." We planned to meet at the Hard Rock Cafe in Las Vegas. He'd bring only a toothbrush, and I'd bring my red "Fuck Me" shoes and a bikini. We had a safety word if sex got too much for me. We planned to tour Greece and eat baklava and stay for a week in a cliff-hanging hotel room in Peru.

He called me "My Sue" and he told card friends and strangers that he loved me. He bet me a blow job that I couldn't be quiet during sex and that he liked it slow. He was so sure of his bet that he doubled it because he'd win either way. It was unspoken that he would have to be there to verify if I was quiet or not...

Available from Amazon, on Kindle or covers that are soft or hard (_*_) 

Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q

-SQ