ESP, Extra Sensory Perception

Dear S.Q, My partner has an uncanny ability to correctly predict certain things. She says she actually sees numbers and that it’s not an educated guess. Unfortunately, it’s nothing we can make money from. She calls it “prescience” which I don’t understand. 

Dear Partner, Prescience, precognition, ESP, is the knowledge of events before they happen. Evidence supports this woo-woo pseudoscience through firsthand observations and experiments. But, ZERO have stood rigorous scientific testing -or so they want us to believe. Serious gamblers and statisticians will tell you luck is not real, while scientists and Sherlock Holmes have quoted, “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

Consider my personal favorite, ❤️ SUBLIMINAL MESSAGING. Movies and TV ran subliminal advertisements to “drink Coke,” buy candy, popcorn, for years before it was banned in the U.S. in 1958 as deceptive and illegal. The ads were quick flashes of text, hidden images, or soft audio cues below the threshold of conscious awareness. So while you didn’t notice the ads, you acted on them. 

The human brain receives about 11M bits of data per second, but only about 50 bits are consciously processed and stored for future use. Imagine: man is aware of less than a millionth of 1% of what the brain receives. It’s like AI has instant access to the “noosphere” that holds everything known to man, but humans only have the key to the waiting room. Consequently, artificial intelligence is beating the pants off humans. 

What if: Instead of waiting for AI to eliminate mankind, scientists use AI technology to stimulate the parts of human brains that unlock that unused 99%? Then humans eliminate those threatening our Alpha Predator status. And I, Mankind can tout, “Yes, Robot, YOU are no longer necessary.” -SQ

INTJ Loves ENFJ, Will It Work?

Dear SQ, Reading dating experiences are like being on Mars. Nothing makes sense and some stories are downright ridiculous, like the chat link about why INTJs and ENFJs don’t connect. Help!

Dear Martian, During WWII, Katherine Briggs and her daughter cooked up the first set of The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator questions designed for women to understand themselves, be happier, and better first-time workers. A 100-question self-report scores people on 4 scales, (extroversion/introversion, E/I; sensing/intuition, S/N; thinking/feeling, T/F; and judging/perceiving, J/P). In psychology, we don't use this questionnaire as the reliability and validity are shit, but mainly because people inaccurately believe the results predict something rather than just simply describe 16 personality types. (It's traditionally used in work settings for team building).

But, it provides 100 things about another person without grilling them. And, it might be more accurate as a matchmaking tool than “What’s your horoscope?”

I offer you an alternative: OCEAN or the Big Five personality model. O-openness; C-conscientiousness; E-extroversion; A-agreeableness; and N-neuroticism. It’s considered the gold standard in academic psychology, takes 10 minutes to complete, and is available free online. For greater detail, check out my book: Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q available on Amazon KDP, Google Books, and Walmart. (Chapter: What You Should Know About: The Core of a Man). Happy swimming. -SQ

Hobosexual

Dear Suze Q, “Hobosexual,” how accurate! I dated a guy for 22 months and couldn’t understand what was wrong. I'm in my 60s and consider myself well-educated and worldly. He moved in with me because his place was sparse, -only a few of anything, toilet paper, furniture, food. He always seemed to be working but short on money that was someone else's fault. Our instant connection and great sex blinded me from noticing I was paying 90%, and when we'd argue, he'd pull the "rotten childhood" victim card and somehow I ended up apologizing. I finally understood his game when he asked me to put him in my will to continue living in my house if I died first! 

Dear Gas-lit, There are many terms for these despicable human beings: gold digger, social predator, con artist, freeloader. The common thread is they TAKE advantage until you’re doing all the relationship work: banker, caregiver, housekeeper. Glad you kicked him out before he ruined your spirit or put arsenic in your morning oatmeal. -SQ 

I Want To Reconcile But She’s Still Drinking

Dear S.Q, For a year, we've lived apart to work on our sobriety separately. I’ve been totally sober and she says she is too. My friends say she binge drinks except when she has the kids, or during our date nights and daily text/talk check-ins. I love her and don’t want to confront her.

Dear Hubby, Congrats on your one year sobriety. Step back and evaluate from an unbiased point of view. If your friends are right, she's not only drinking, but binging -way out of control. She lies to you that she's sober, and deceives you to your face as a dry drunk. 

You trust her and your friends. Now verify who’s telling the truth. If she’s "closet drinking," that should be enough of a deal-breaker to leave the marriage unless you plan to be her nurse, her inexcusably-bad sponsor, and co-dependent enabler. And if she's lying to you, you may be endangering your children by not protecting them from her. 

Confront her and hold no punches. Her life and your children’s is in jeopardy when with their single, alcoholic mother. Take another year’s separation if she commits to serious rehabilitation, or call it quits. Put parenting your children first; stabilize their world from chaos their mother brings. If you fail, they truly have NO parent. -SQ

Enemies From Within

Dear S.Q, As a military officer, I  swore as my role in national security to defend the Constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. Unbelievable that a democracy that thrive for 250 years was nearly destroyed by a criminal president and his corrupt henchmen. Not since the bombing of Pearl Harbor has our country faced such a severe threat. In yesterday’s mid-term election, Americans took control of the House and Senate. Today, I’m again proud to be an American.

Dear Patriot, The American public has spoken, believing Trump failed to uphold his 35-word presidential oath. With his hand on the Bible, like every president-elect since Washington, he pledged to the chief justice of the Supreme Court, “I do solemnly swear, (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” He failed the citizens that he was elected to protect. Consequences will follow. -SQ

Update Your Bucket List

Dear S.Q, My friend just posted a question of what he should do for his 75th. Skydiving? I remember this same request at 70 when I said I'd do it if he would -never happened. But now, five years later, I'm not sure I still want this on my end-of-life to-do list. As I get older, I don't rush toward things that are likely to kill me. Why? My partner and I have decided to have pills and lethal cocktails when the time comes, so why am I hesitant to skydive?

Dear Five Years Wiser, When you have no reason to live, and the goal is to make sure death is certain, controlling the circumstances can be a logical solution. But with skydiving, and other thrill-seeking events where the life-or-death outcome is unknown, the goal is a brief intense adrenaline rush that comes from confronting and beating death. Some say thrill-seeking and X-Treme Sports are addicting. Others are killed and say nothing at all. -SQ 

Is She A Priority?

Dear Suze Q. Dating after divorce makes me woozy. Cocky when it goes well, but off-kilter with all these curve balls. I'm dating a few women casually and they’re all fabulous, but so different. My favorite is more aloof. I guess she reflects how I treat her, but I'm just not ready to commit. How to keep her interested? 

Dear Woozy, To keep someone interested, you must genuinely be interested in them and make them your priority. If they feel the same about you, you will be their priority and together you can move to a deeper intimacy level. How much you give will determine what you can expect to receive. Perseverance and honesty wins the day. -SQ