I Want To Reconcile But She’s Still Drinking

Dear S.Q, For a year, we've lived apart to work on our sobriety separately. I’ve been totally sober and she says she is too. My friends say she binge drinks except when she has the kids, or during our date nights and daily text/talk check-ins. I love her and don’t want to confront her.

Dear Hubby, Congrats on your one year sobriety. Step back and evaluate from an unbiased point of view. If your friends are right, she's not only drinking, but binging -way out of control. She lies to you that she's sober, and deceives you to your face as a dry drunk. 

You trust her and your friends. Now verify who’s telling the truth. If she’s "closet drinking," that should be enough of a deal-breaker to leave the marriage unless you plan to be her nurse, her inexcusably-bad sponsor, and co-dependent enabler. And if she's lying to you, you may be endangering your children by not protecting them from her. 

Confront her and hold no punches. Her life and your children’s is in jeopardy when with their single, alcoholic mother. Take another year’s separation if she commits to serious rehabilitation, or call it quits. Put parenting your children first; stabilize their world from chaos their mother brings. If you fail, they truly have NO parent. -SQ

Enemies From Within

Dear S.Q, As a military officer, I  swore as my role in national security to defend the Constitution against all enemies, both foreign and domestic. Unbelievable that a democracy that thrive for 250 years was nearly destroyed by a criminal president and his corrupt henchmen. Not since the bombing of Pearl Harbor has our country faced such a severe threat. In yesterday’s mid-term election, Americans took control of the House and Senate. Today, I’m again proud to be an American.

Dear Patriot, The American public has spoken, believing Trump failed to uphold his 35-word presidential oath. With his hand on the Bible, like every president-elect since Washington, he pledged to the chief justice of the Supreme Court, “I do solemnly swear, (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.” He failed the citizens that he was elected to protect. Consequences will follow. -SQ

Update Your Bucket List

Dear S.Q, My friend just posted a question of what he should do for his 75th. Skydiving? I remember this same request at 70 when I said I'd do it if he would -never happened. But now, five years later, I'm not sure I still want this on my end-of-life to-do list. As I get older, I don't rush toward things that are likely to kill me. Why? My partner and I have decided to have pills and lethal cocktails when the time comes, so why am I hesitant to skydive?

Dear Five Years Wiser, When you have no reason to live, and the goal is to make sure death is certain, controlling the circumstances can be a logical solution. But with skydiving, and other thrill-seeking events where the life-or-death outcome is unknown, the goal is a brief intense adrenaline rush that comes from confronting and beating death. Some say thrill-seeking and X-Treme Sports are addicting. Others are killed and say nothing at all. -SQ 

Is She A Priority?

Dear Suze Q. Dating after divorce makes me woozy. Cocky when it goes well, but off-kilter with all these curve balls. I'm dating a few women casually and they’re all fabulous, but so different. My favorite is more aloof. I guess she reflects how I treat her, but I'm just not ready to commit. How to keep her interested? 

Dear Woozy, To keep someone interested, you must genuinely be interested in them and make them your priority. If they feel the same about you, you will be their priority and together you can move to a deeper intimacy level. How much you give will determine what you can expect to receive. Perseverance and honesty wins the day. -SQ

New Scam. You’re Evited!

Dear Suze Q, I got an Evite from a daughter of my friend for her surprise birthday party. I've had several in the past from this company and thought nothing about opening it. It had a fancy 3D envelope that requested log-in credentials. When the first two attempts failed, I texted the daughter who told me to ignore it, it was a scam. IT NEVER DAWNED ON ME! I'm waiting to see if my world caves in.

Dear Phish, Evite is aware their company has been used in scams, with a notable rise since early 2026. They recommend the following to distinguish fake from real: 1) In the email that was sent to you, hit the return arrow (as if you were going to reply). The "To:" is the name of the domain that sent you the scam. Tap on it and it will expand to the scammer's whole address. If it looks wrong, it is. Don’t reply, but delete instantly. 2) Hover over links before clicking. If the highlight destination URL that emerges doesn't say Evite, it's not them, it's a scam. Always hover over links before opening. 

If you've been hacked, 👉 shut down your machine immediately. Run an anti-virus scan, and tell your friend’s kid because they may have been hacked too. Change your passcodes, and soothe your outrage however you see fit. -SQ 

La La Land, Day of the Dead

Los Angelenos love their celebrations, and with over 140 nationalities and 224 identified languages living within the 500 square miles of the city limits, there’s a colorful, culturally diverse party every day. Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead, is a Mexican religious multi-day celebration honoring and welcoming back the souls of deceased ancestors. Halloween, October 31st, coincides with the first day of the Mexican festivities when the spirits of children are believed to return. November 1, All Saints’ Day, (celebrated since the 8th century) focuses on children or “the innocent.” November 2 is All Souls’ Day, (celebrated since the 10th century, particularly for the souls in purgatory) when the spirits of adult ancestors are believed to return to Earth.

The celebration is a happy reunion and strengthens bonds between the living and the dead, with private home-based candlelit altars, cemetery gatherings, or massive cordoned-off street festivals. Bright and odoriferous marigolds guide spirits home to their families where their photos and personal offerings await. Six centuries ago, the Aztecs used skulls as a portal to the dead, and today the tradition continues as sugar skulls are eaten by the living as a humorous head nod to the dead. 

Besides the eat, drink, and be merry atmosphere is the mixture of emotions necessary when conversing with the dearly departed. The calaveras literarias (skull literature) illustrates a playfully sarcastic address to the deceased or criticism to living politicians. Several lovely epitaphs are available on-line that roast a “crazy” “idiot” “orange” Donald Trump for his foolish attempt to a build a certain wall, and other less kind jabs at incompetency. ¡Viva los muertos! -SQ

La La Land, Halloween

In the 1980s, Los Angeles was on high alert with terrifying rumors of razor blades in apples or poison in Halloween trick-or-treat candy. All cases turned out to be hoaxes. But urban legends persisted as there's often a grain of truth to every horror story. In 1974, in Pasadena, Texas (not Pasadena, the suburb of Los Angeles) eight-year-old Timothy O'Bryan died of cyanide-laced poisoned Pixy Stixs given as Halloween candy by his father for a life insurance payoff. His dad was executed 10 years later.  

Urban legends helped build Hollywood, so this true story, and the 1982 Chicago Tylenol murders, and the 1979 Northern California dentist who bundled laxatives into his candy hand-outs continued as fear folklore. Add COVID contagion, and the logical result was that trick or treating has lost its traditional, magical night-out for kids.

Halloween for adults has thrived. Vampire parties by invite only are again on this year's agenda featuring costumes, music, and rituals such as blood drinking, "energy exchange" (both spiritual and emotional), and vampire mythos reenactments. The after events are to die for. 

If you want L.A. big crowd haunts, Universal Studios and Knott's Scary Farm Nights are family-friendly. The Queen Mary Dark Harbor with onboard mazes and monsters is anchored in the Long Beach Harbor, or the Hollywood Suite 13 at The Godfrey Hotel serves up an adult-sized "grown and sexy" party. Serial movies are available at Screamfests, Fright Fests, and Fright Club rooftops. For the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show with our local love, Tim Curry still telling tales from the crypt (guest star on S5, E1), don't come without your rice, squirt gun, newspaper, glow sticks, unbuttered toast... and costumes. To you all, "May the spirits of the night bring you wisdom instead of fright as you celebrate the turning of the year" -Old Celtic blessing, SQ