Old People’s Smell

Dear S. Q., My 93-year old mother has developed this musky, not-quite-bad smell about her that I know happens to the elderly. I read that persimmon-based skin products help. It that true?

Dear Son, it appears that persimmon-based skin products do lessen that “old people’s smell” that develops with age because of chemical changes. Persimmon soap, deodorant, body cream, and body wash are plentiful. Consuming more anti-oxidants rich food -mainly fruit and vegetables, and hydration with green and oolong tea also help. -SQ

My Mistake

Dear S.Q. I'm a quiet soul, dating again after 20 years. I miss a woman's touch and the companionship. I've had a few dates with a bit of a live wire. She's fun, and there's really nothing about her I don't like, except that she's just too much. I've gotten caught up in texting her a ton, like she does me, but I can't keep this up much longer. I'm exhausted. I've read about this ghosting thing the kids do, but I don't know.

Dear Exhausted, You're not too exhausted to be a gentleman. Ghosting in the old days was when you "dropped" someone and was rude then, as it is now. Make the good-bye short (with a plausible reason like it's too much), make it clear (that it's over and final), make it in person or by phone (never text). We all make mistakes; don't feel bad. Just move on. -SQ

Orbiting

Dear Suze Q. I have this thing with a guy, off and on for a few years, but I feel more, and would like more, than he does. We come together for a few weeks and date like a real couple, then something interferes and we orbit for months, back to off and on. I've ask if our relationship is going anywhere solid, but he shrugs and says he doesn't know. 

Dear Orbiter, "I don't know" certainly doesn't mean yes, so what's left? No? Take the hint. His offer is either occasional hook-ups or nothing; time for you to choose since clearly he won't. -SQ

Sad And I Just Don't Care

Dear Suz, I've never been this sad, and this time it scares me, because I really don't care what happens. I lost my job and shortly afterwards my wife left. If it wasn't for the dog, I'd probably stay in bed for a week. I've stopped answering the phone, and told my few friends I'm going away so don't stop by. 

Dear Sad, You realize you are in serious trouble, otherwise, you wouldn't reach out. You’ve been in a dark place before, and know you need to let someone lead you back to safety. Right this minute, call that someone who will reel you in -a trusted friend who has the strength that you need, but do not have. Or a stranger who is an expert. In the US, call, text, chat, 24/7 with a LIFELINE COUNSELOR AT "988." -SQ

Super Empath v. Narcissist

Dear S. Q. I just listened to a 27’ podcast called “Why The Narcissist Can’t Recover After Betraying A Super Empath,” touted as the “best motivational speech” by the Gentle Hustle group that wanted me to join their 14.2M subscribers. This guy talked in circles, throwing in some common psych concepts (object constancy) in the same pot as far-flung, mumbo-jumbo including that the “super empath has a perception that borders on the supernatural.” I know narcissism is a real psychological classification, but is “super empath?”

Dear Skeptic, .5% - 6.2% of population is clinically diagnosed as Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Super Empath is NOT a DSM diagnosis, has zero agreed upon psych/medical definition, but is liberally estimated to be 1-2% of the general population. So what are they talking about? Super empaths are said to possess heightened sense of empathy, far beyond the normal range, but other than that, there is little agreement. Narcissism is well documented and agreed upon; look it up. So, AT THE MOST, 4 people in 100, a few with a well-documented diagnosis, and the others with an unknown phenomenon, is an interesting, esoteric debate better left for party talk when high with good friends. -SQ

A Christian Woman Asks For Readers' Support

I am a Christian woman who gives my life to God and my husband as his sixth wife in a polygamous marriage. I need your readers' support to pass laws for all wives to have equal protection under law. It is wrong that I have no legal rights in the marriage (health benefits, tax deductions, family discounts), because God loves us all equally.

Dear Wife, I will print your request on my blog, but you want legal change; this blog is not a legal forum. Nor is it religious. The Establishment Clause of the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution is the guiding principle of "separation of church and state." You entered into, and accepted your "marriage" with your god, your husband, and his wives, knowing you had no legal standing. Why are you no longer accepting of your choices? -SQ  

Dating Like An Aventurer

Dear Suze Q. I love treasure hunts, but I was terrified of dating in my 60s. My bffs told me to imagine I’m at a swap meet or auction looking for the special gem that’s my forever partner. It’s working!

Dear Adventurer, The thrill of the hunt, the sly smile when you spot a nugget, the excitement wondering where it will fit in your life. Savor interviewing the candidates for your Prince(ss) Charming! -SQ