Time To Call Quits

Dear S.Q. I’ve been dating a gal for a few years, and we both bring “baggage” from hurt childhoods and bad first marriages. We talk cautiously about our wounds but she has a habit of clamming up and not talking for days. Then she speaks like nothing happened and if I beg to know what I did wrong, she just says it was nothing, that the problem was all her. We tried a few therapists, but she always quits. 

Dear Hurt, It appears her baggage is still locked away and unavailable for becoming a healthy partner. If she calls quits when help is offered, perhaps it’s time for you to call quits for your own mental health. You can’t help her, but you can help yourself. -SQ

Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating Over After 50, Chapter 36

 

Well Readers, my book: Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating Over 50 has published on Amazon.  Kindle and paperback so far, hardcover coming soon.  Here's a snippet from CHAPTER 36: PAUL had never heard of Ben Wa balls that were worn internally by Chinese women during the war to pleasure themselves while slaving away for 15-hour days at mind-numbing factory jobs. Available as sex toys today with that same mind-altering dreamy effect. -SQ

Abortion Pills 💊

Dear Suze Q. We’re a religious family that doesn’t believe in abortions. At least we were until our two grown daughters discussed that a family friend was devastated, pregnant, carrying a deformed baby. It shook our beliefs knowing this poor, single girl’s motherhood will change her forever. 

Dear Religious, Beliefs about abortion take on another dimension when it’s someone you know and their life story. As the controversy rages in American courts, the Supreme Court today ruled to continue telehealth dispensation of the abortion pill, mifepristone, putting the choice back in the hands of women and their doctors, not legislators. -SQ

Silver -And Copper Infused Bed Sheets

Dear Suze Q, My girlfriend’s a bit of a woo-woo believer, Tarot and such. I did the copper bracelet thing and have no idea if my knees feel better or worse. Now she wants us to buy copper (or silver) infused bed sheets that supposedly kill germs and bacteria and cost a fortune and require plug in. 

Dear Metal Man, My go-to for consumer research is the New York Times Wirecutter reports (no newspaper subscription required). They conclude that nothing beats soap, hot water, and agitation (washing machine), to clean sheets WEEKLY and rid germs and bacteria. And lots of temperature-regulated systems give your bed the ideal snugness. So, unless you’re into extreme sports or shed skin cells, dirt, etc. excessively, or want to please your woo-woo gf, consider that metal infused bedsheets are scientifically unproven as wonder sheets (and do not substitute as superhero capes). -SQ

You’re Invited To My Deathday Party

Dear Suze, A FB buddy is dying of cancer and sent me an evite for next week with a video communication link. He’s going to be with his wife and kids, and we’re all to have alcohol and snacks for an hour as people give eulogies while he’s alive. Then he’s going to give a short speech, toast us all with his doctor-approved lethal cocktail, and disconnect the call when he gets sleepy. Is this creepy or sacred? 

Dear Invitee, While we can’t always choose what happens (cancer), we can choose how we interpret what happens (celebration or mourning). -SQ

Why Marry?

Dear S.Q. My partner and I have lived happily together for years. In our 30s, he wants to get married. I don’t see the point. We work and play hard and don’t need kids to “complete” us. Maybe someday but not for several years. 

Dear Unmarried, Marriage is no longer viewed as a rite of passage into “acceptable society” as previously dictated by religious and cultural standards. Many want to avoid the “sins” of their divorced parents, although it’s doubtfully that easy. Marriage or exclusive commitment have much in common, including constant work to make the relationship strong and thrive. Previously, one perk of marriage was your child(ren) had the same last name as the parents, but that’s been solved with hyphenation or deemed irrelevant. Childbirth while mom was in her 20’s has been replaced by women in their 40s or even 50s (with a surrogate). Unmarried is another swing of the societal change pendulum. What’s right for you is the best path. -SQ

Should Dads Give Their Wife A Mother’s Day Gift?

Dear S.Q. Just want to vent a minute. My adult kids joke that I should give my wife a Mother’s Day gift.  When our sons were babies, toddlers, young children, -whose money bought those Mother’s Day cards and gifts, those celebratory meals out, and helped with “homemade gifts” until the kids were mature enough to do it on their own?

Dear Dad, You are so right! And behind Father’s Day gifts there is often his wife, and a mother joining her children's love for Dad on his day of celebration. Love and fun makes the world a happier place. -SQ