Travels in my Mind

Dear Suze Q. My 65-year-old husband had a stroke, a wake-up call to overweight, too much alcohol, and limited exercise. He’s depressed that our retirement plans are over. The doctor recommends trips without strenuous activity when he recovers, but diet and alcohol need to change. How to help?

Dear Travel Partner, make travel plans and blame the doctor’s orders for insisting your husband get on-board with you. Step one is determine where to go. Have fun with brochures, videos, and interactive tours. Be creative and take virtual treks of the Great Wall of China, or an Arctic adventure, just to laugh about how THAT trip is out. Travel agencies have levels of accommodations to suit every client, so quietly do the ground work to determine, and book, the travel details -make it look easy so your husband is pampered even before the trip begins. -SQ

Momma’s Son

Dear Suze, I’m dating in my late 60s, and jeez, I've met all those frog types to avoid listed in your book. Finally, I found a prince who has a ton of good qualities and with the stand-out feature of adoring his aged mother. I am charmed!

Dear Princess Charmed, A man who loves his mother in a healthy way has the makings of an exceptionally good man. He is the culmination of the mother that raised him with love, respect, and the healthy life lessons learned through discipline. Secure in his masculinity, he knows about unconditional love and how to communicate a wide range of honest feelings while maintaining an emphatic bond. A romantic, a gentleman, and a role-model. Congrat on striking gold! Read more in my Chapter What You Should Know About: The Core of a Man, in Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q. Available on Amazon, Google Books and Walmart, Whoo Hoo! -SQ

“I Got Your Nose!”

Dear Suze Q. My uncle teased his young daughter at a neighborhood gathering where he pretended to pluck her nose and showed her the stolen body part. She shrieked with laughter, but it almost started a major ruckus and several people got visibly upset. What happened?

Dear Niece, This game is only familiar and funny in some English-speaking countries. The hand position used with the alleged stolen nose is also known as the "fig sign," which is an offensive or obscene gesture in cultures such as Turkey, where it is the equivalent of giving the "middle finger;" Japan, where it refers to copulation; or other countries where it is used to ward off the "evil eye," insult someone, or deny a request. Sometimes, it's important to use your words to explain even the most innocent of gestures. ✌ -SQ

CAN Old Dogs Learn New Tricks: Recency (And Primacy) Effect Bias

3         8         5         1        7       2     9    4   6   10

Dear S.Q. We're going to Las Vegas and my wife wants to stay at the hotel where her sister recently won $6,000.00 at a "one-armed bandit." She's convinced that it's a winning slot machine. How to convince her this is nuts?

Dear Gambler, Overcoming magical thinking is tough, especially in L.V. where enchantment built a mega industry in a dessert that originally didn't even have water. The Recency Effect is where recent events are favored over past events, and is another one of the cognitive bias that colors people’s thinking, usually without their awareness. 

The last thing (story, event, person) you encountered is remembered more positively. Read the numbers above, in order, and out loud. Which one do you remember first? (Recency is closely linked, and opposite of, primacy bias, -over-weighing the first information you receive). The mind is miraculous, but it takes shortcuts for efficiency. The trick is: review all the information, summarize pros and cons accurately. Remind your wife of the 10 times before that her sister lost her shirt at this casino. -SQ

CAN Old Dogs Learn New Tricks: Halo and Devil Effect Bias

Dear Suze Q, My friend is so black and white that I cringe. Things are over-the-top great, especially people, or barely register on her Richter Scale. What happened to mediocre, moderate, middle?

Dear Friend, The halo or devil/horn effect is when someone latches onto one positive or negative trait, such as attractiveness, about another person that then overrides all logic and becomes the brain’s shortcut, (and lazy thinking) that everything about them must be good or bad. People accustomed to making snap judgements are especially susceptible. The trick is to force yourself to think in the gray areas, outside the box, with critical deep-dive. Always rethink your thinking. -SQ

 

Hic Sunt Dracones (Here be Dragons): Part 3, p. 423

 "Since time began, man has been curious. It's one of our superpowers that keeps us alert and alive. We focus on an unknown danger by primitive warning signs, but like forbidden fruit, we are often drawn to it. Then we tame it, and it loses its fear factor. Then we integrate the experience as normal, not deviant, and with that inclusion, we expand and broaden our range of acceptance. With this learning method, we achieve mastery of the once unknown and build a powerful cache in our armories of intelligence. Only time will tell if we master robots or will they enslave us? Or a better case scenario -we achieve a cooperative partnership." Hopefully, this sample of my debut book available on Google Books, Walmart, and Amazon, Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50 by Suze Q will get your cerebral and bodily juices flowing. Cheers, S.Q

Consensual Non-Monogamy. Really? Say What?

Dear S. Q. My daughter told me and her father to stop asking if she’ll marry her long-term beau and have babies. She explained she’s in a “consensual non-monogamous” relationship with her guy where they live together and love each other but still date others. I was aghast. I dated others too until I was ready to give them up and say “I do” with her father. But, to live with him, say “ta ta, I’m going to sleep with another guy tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.” How the hell does that work?

Dear Mom, it’s a lot, and how it works in the long run is yet to be determined. First -the definition: partners (monogamous) who consent (AGREE) to be non-monogamous. Under specifically defined and honestly AGREED upon arrangements, the couple allows romantic/sexual connection with more than each other. Examples include “swingers” who we old folks have at least heard of, to creative combinations of “polyamory” that fit the couple. In the 1990s, the majority of couples lived together before marriage, so maybe it’s a natural outcome to explore this latest frontier of intimacy. -SQ