Until Somebody Better Comes Along

Dear Suze Q. I’ve dated Jim off and on for 3 years. We talk about getting married but we can’t even get excited enough to live together. We’ve thought about an open marriage so we can still see other people. We’re in our late 50s, have kids and grandkids and rich social lives. What now?

Dear 50, Why do anything now? It sounds like it’s working until one of you definitely wants something else. Why marry? - no biological clock is ticking to have kids; you’re not even committed to an exclusive relationship. Why open marriage? -since 90% ultimately fail; the concept is to spice up a marriage (that you don’t have). Is Jim just a place holder until somebody better sweeps you off your feet? Keep dating; you’re nowhere near ready to marry again. Your heart’s not into it. -SQ

Groin Sweat, All Ages, All Genders

Dear Suze, I’ve heard about jock itch, but Mom never taught us girls about sweating down there.

Dearie, Hyperhidrosis is the medical term for sweating between the legs not due to hot weather, hot sex,  or exercise that leaves rashes, itching, chafing, body odor... Causes include anxiety, stress, obesity; medications; or medical issues where you need to see your MD (diabetes, hormones). Home remedies include: loose fitting, breathable underwear; ⬆️ bathe/use vaginal wipes; trim public hair; limit spicy and foods that trigger a sweat response. (Save money, shower with a friend). -SQ

Queasy Stomach

Dear Suze, My mate eats anti-acid tablets by the droves. Is that healthy?

Dear Mate, It’s not healthy eating anything by the droves, except each other sexually. Even if the anti-acid tabs are under the prescribed amount, it’s only addressing the symptoms but not the source, so the problem remains untreated. Time for your mate to have a serious talk with the M.D. -SQ

A Male Karen Is Still A Dick

Dear S.Q., I’m furious at a co-worker who denigrated the waitstaff for bringing the wrong meal, then insulted her intelligence when she tried to apologize. The manager got involved and comped his meal. My colleague was loud, obnoxious, and urged the rest of us to not tip even though our meal and service was fine. His was too, but he was drunk and wanted a fight. We’ve nicknamed him Cruel Kevin. 

Dear Colleague, Playing off the female slang “Karen,” obnoxious, toxic privileged middle-class, angry, public loudmouth, who refuses to accept no for an answer, is this male version -Kevin, Chad, Ken… Their behavior is often race-based bigotry that escalates trivial situations to control others. Cruel Kevin may regret his actions when he sobers up, but you’ve seen his true self. Steer clear. -SQ

Is ‘I Don’t Remember’ A Legitimate Excuse?

Dear Suze Q. If I mislead, or omit information in my exclusive relationship, is it a lie? 

Dear Liar, In law, not knowing the rules is not a legitimate excuse for breaking them. In relationships, 'I don’t remember,' 'I’m not sure,' or any other evasion of the truth is the same as “pleading the 5th” (amendment of the US Constitution that follows “on the grounds that it may incriminate me.”) In a relationship worth preserving, the ground rules should include: I affirm to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Period, no if, ands, or buttheads. -SQ

Turn Bad Stress Into a Good Plan

Dear Suze, When there’s a change in my morning, I worry and can’t sleep well the night before. Help!

Dear Anxious, Stress/anxiety comes from “feeling” lack of control. Break tasks down to manageable steps, and follow the plan. Ex: Problem: have to leave house by 8 a.m. Plan: sleep 7+ hours, and set 1 or 2 alarm for x a.m. Allow 30 minutes for breakfast and private time. Allow x minutes to shit/shower/shave/dress, etc. Leave on time. Plan the work and work the plan. -SQ

My Friend’s An Antivaxxer

Dear Suz, My son’s school friend’s family are antivaxxers. The mom spouted some disinformation conspiracy theory, and laughed when I corrected her “facts.” We declined recent offers to socialize, (mostly because they’re nuts). She pressed me, so I told her that her family puts my family’s health in jeopardy. She was mad and hung up. What to do? 

Dear Vaxxer, Ending the adults’ relationship because of a phone hang up seems childish. Perhaps drop a text that you’re sorry she’s mad, and propose that the kids play at school, or at each other’s homes. Omit the part about the parents getting together, and see what happens naturally. Your family time is too precious to waste on bad influences. -SQ