Is It A Wobbler?

Dear Suze Q. I’ve dated a girl for 9 months and early on she got offended with an off-color joke I made.  She left abruptly but took my call later when I apologized. Next week, she yelled and told me to leave when we disagreed about a movie. I don’t understand and not sure I care to. 

Dear Leavee, You’ve got a wobble, meaning it can go either way. In law, a wobbler is a misdemeanor or felony. She’s left twice without sticking around for the tough stuff that makes a relationship strong and lasting: fair fighting, endurance, tolerance. Why wait for a third strike? -SQ

Regifting

Dear Suze, We spent Christmas with family and new additions, so we ended up with utilitarian gifts since we didn’t know some people well. They all hit the pile of other gifts received over the years, never to be used, still with tags on them. Which got me thinking about gifting some more expensive art pieces to my son before I die. 

Dear Art Collector, After your death, the transfer of wealth can trigger estate taxes (paid by the estate of the deceased, only 12 states, plus D.C. charge this), or state inheritance tax (paid by those who inherit, only 6 states do this). Maximum you can give away, tax-free in 2025 is $19,000 each, to any number of people (with a lifetime exemption per person of $13.99M!). Don’t trust, DO VERIFY my info with your own professionals. Happy regifting. -SQ

Whose Turn To Communicate?

Dear S.Q. My husband and I are both busy but shut off everything but family when we get home. Problem is, he sometimes gets slammed during the day (as do I) and I repeat myself in text because I’m not sure he saw it. Often he gets irritated, says he saw it and what’s the big deal? 

Dear Wife. Good communication is critical to a successful marriage. An important piece, used in all emergency services, consists of a message being passed AND acknowledgement that message was received. Todays technology even has pop-ups like a thumbs up, heart, ha-ha to reply effortlessly. Critical to successful marriage is agreements: when one communicates, the other responds ASAP. -SQ

When To Be Firm

Dear S.Q. My 90-year old mother has mild dementia and lives in an apartment with 24-hour companion/care. She’s had two credit card charges last month that she authorized but doesn’t remember. I took away her card and said the company won’t authorize a new one (true). She insisted she needs the card to treat her friends to lunch. I’d hate to take away her phone too where she gives her credit info to bogus scams. Though she misplaces the phone often, I can track it, and it’s one little pleasure left to call her (tolerant) friends. 

Dear Son, Give her cash every time she needs. End of discussion. Buy one of many available phones that solely texts and calls, without internet. Tell her it’s a new phone! End of discussion. When you allow room for debate with Mom, you’ve lost control, and done her no service. She needs someone to repeatedly tell and reinforce the rules to keep her safe. -SQ

When The Good Guy Seems Like The Bad Guy

Dear Suze Q. It’s gotten so my dad can’t live by himself or with me or my sisters anymore. He broke his hip and requires a wheelchair, maybe forever. He’s incontinent, can’t grip or feed himself, has trouble swallowing. We cried when we moved him from acute-care to a group home. He’s begged us to not leave him and take him home.

Dear Good Son, The reality is that Dad may never return home. Giving him some sliver of hope is better than bluntly killing his dreams. Ex: tell him when he can walk independently, or feed himself a full meal, the doctors (not the family) can send him home. Stick to the truth -kids can’t lift him without hurting themselves; needs 24° supervision… -SQ

She Calls Everybody Baby

Dear S.Q. My brother’s dating in his late 60s and smitten by a real hottie 20 years his junior. She says she’s a widow of 5 years, but she must be making up for wasted time by flirting with everyone, young and old, male female. Babe this, sweetheart that, kisses on cheeks, hugs for anything. We’re a touchy family, but I’m exhausted watching her work a room. I think she’s working my brother too. 

Dear Bro, Time is the equalizer. Patterns and consistency will tell if she’s an equal opportunity lover, looking for a special someone, or looking for a mark. Find her history, someone who really knows her, -family, friends, social media posts and get her life story before your brother gives away his heart and life savings. Verify, then trust. -SQ

Who Are My Friends?

Dear Suze Q. I’m in my 60 and it seems I don’t know who my friends are anymore. My husband died several years ago, and now I’m dating. That seems to have divided people, those who support me to love again, and those that think I should die an old spinster. What gives?

Dear 60. You have changed the friendship dynamic.  Some only knew you as a couple. Perhaps you can cultivate an individual friendship with these people if you choose, or simply discard them. Those that want life to go forward for you after your spouse's death sound like keepers and more in tune with true friendship. Choose to walk with those that are happy for and with you. -SQ