Is She A Priority?

Dear Suze Q. Dating after divorce makes me woozy. Cocky when it goes well, but off-kilter with all these curve balls. I'm dating a few women casually and they’re all fabulous, but so different. My favorite is more aloof. I guess she reflects how I treat her, but I'm just not ready to commit. How to keep her interested? 

Dear Woozy, To keep someone interested, you must genuinely be interested in them and make them your priority. If they feel the same about you, you will be their priority and together you can move to a deeper intimacy level. How much you give will determine what you can expect to receive. Perseverance and honesty wins the day. -SQ

New Scam. You’re Evited!

Dear Suze Q, I got an Evite from a daughter of my friend for her surprise birthday party. I've had several in the past from this company and thought nothing about opening it. It had a fancy 3D envelope that requested log-in credentials. When the first two attempts failed, I texted the daughter who told me to ignore it, it was a scam. IT NEVER DAWNED ON ME! I'm waiting to see if my world caves in.

Dear Phish, Evite is aware their company has been used in scams, with a notable rise since early 2026. They recommend the following to distinguish fake from real: 1) In the email that was sent to you, hit the return arrow (as if you were going to reply). The "To:" is the name of the domain that sent you the scam. Tap on it and it will expand to the scammer's whole address. If it looks wrong, it is. Don’t reply, but delete instantly. 2) Hover over links before clicking. If the highlight destination URL that emerges doesn't say Evite, it's not them, it's a scam. Always hover over links before opening. 

If you've been hacked, 👉 shut down your machine immediately. Run an anti-virus scan, and tell your friend’s kid because they may have been hacked too. Change your passcodes, and soothe your outrage however you see fit. -SQ 

La La Land, Day of the Dead

Los Angelenos love their celebrations, and with over 140 nationalities and 224 identified languages living within the 500 square miles of the city limits, there’s a colorful, culturally diverse party every day. Dia de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead, is a Mexican religious multi-day celebration honoring and welcoming back the souls of deceased ancestors. Halloween, October 31st, coincides with the first day of the Mexican festivities when the spirits of children are believed to return. November 1, All Saints’ Day, (celebrated since the 8th century) focuses on children or “the innocent.” November 2 is All Souls’ Day, (celebrated since the 10th century, particularly for the souls in purgatory) when the spirits of adult ancestors are believed to return to Earth.

The celebration is a happy reunion and strengthens bonds between the living and the dead, with private home-based candlelit altars, cemetery gatherings, or massive cordoned-off street festivals. Bright and odoriferous marigolds guide spirits home to their families where their photos and personal offerings await. Six centuries ago, the Aztecs used skulls as a portal to the dead, and today the tradition continues as sugar skulls are eaten by the living as a humorous head nod to the dead. 

Besides the eat, drink, and be merry atmosphere is the mixture of emotions necessary when conversing with the dearly departed. The calaveras literarias (skull literature) illustrates a playfully sarcastic address to the deceased or criticism to living politicians. Several lovely epitaphs are available on-line that roast a “crazy” “idiot” “orange” Donald Trump for his foolish attempt to a build a certain wall, and other less kind jabs at incompetency. ¡Viva los muertos! -SQ

La La Land, Halloween

In the 1980s, Los Angeles was on high alert with terrifying rumors of razor blades in apples or poison in Halloween trick-or-treat candy. All cases turned out to be hoaxes. But urban legends persisted as there's often a grain of truth to every horror story. In 1974, in Pasadena, Texas (not Pasadena, the suburb of Los Angeles) eight-year-old Timothy O'Bryan died of cyanide-laced poisoned Pixy Stixs given as Halloween candy by his father for a life insurance payoff. His dad was executed 10 years later.  

Urban legends helped build Hollywood, so this true story, and the 1982 Chicago Tylenol murders, and the 1979 Northern California dentist who bundled laxatives into his candy hand-outs continued as fear folklore. Add COVID contagion, and the logical result was that trick or treating has lost its traditional, magical night-out for kids.

Halloween for adults has thrived. Vampire parties by invite only are again on this year's agenda featuring costumes, music, and rituals such as blood drinking, "energy exchange" (both spiritual and emotional), and vampire mythos reenactments. The after events are to die for. 

If you want L.A. big crowd haunts, Universal Studios and Knott's Scary Farm Nights are family-friendly. The Queen Mary Dark Harbor with onboard mazes and monsters is anchored in the Long Beach Harbor, or the Hollywood Suite 13 at The Godfrey Hotel serves up an adult-sized "grown and sexy" party. Serial movies are available at Screamfests, Fright Fests, and Fright Club rooftops. For the midnight showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show with our local love, Tim Curry still telling tales from the crypt (guest star on S5, E1), don't come without your rice, squirt gun, newspaper, glow sticks, unbuttered toast... and costumes. To you all, "May the spirits of the night bring you wisdom instead of fright as you celebrate the turning of the year" -Old Celtic blessing, SQ

   

She’s Like a Sensible Pair of Shoes

Dear Suze, Talk about a bland life. I live it and it gives me stability and comfort. I'm stoic like my father, a veteran of WWII. People say I'm a nice guy, but when I heard the term "vanilla" I chuckled that that was me. My co-worker, a widow for years, is always jovial and greets me with real warmth. We talk everyday about our lives and dreams, more than I do with my wife. I've fantasized about spending more time with her, she's like a sensible pair of shoes. 

Dear Vanilla, What's missing in your marriage that you don't share dreams? What's the advantage of going from "comfortable" vanilla with your wife to "sensible" with your co-worker? Perhaps depth and quality of the emotional bond with your wife is rusty? An honest agreement with your wife about the need to spice up your marriage might reset the trajectory of your life together. Also, DO something to "unstick" your daily routine, -make date nights, buy a good brandy, and/or watch a conversation-stimulating movie.  Fantasize all you want about your co-worker but acting on these thoughts may produce consequences too high for comfort. -SQ

Is The Marriage Worth Fighting For?

Dear Suz, I’ve been married for 30 beautiful years and love my wife deeply. Our “work hard & play hard” came to a screeching halt five years ago with my stroke. I’m fully recovered but lead a slower life with no booze or cigarettes. My wife still does both and says I’m no fun. I think she’s headed for her own crash and burn but she won’t listen. We’ve drifted apart, talk less, do more things separately. I’m considering exploring a secret life and letting our marriage collapse from neglect. Thoughts?

Dear Crossroads, Doing nothing is indeed one choice, but don’t lie to yourself later that you had no fault in the divorce. If you don’t care if the marriage survives, thrives, or flat-lines, maybe letting it take its natural course is fine. But if you’re not sure, seek answers, talk it out. Speak with her, chat with yourself in the mirror, confide in friends/family who give wise advice, or an unbiased professional. Don’t burden anyone by asking them to condone your choice to commit infidelity and lead a double life. That decision and consequences are yours alone. -SQ

Not Sure I’m Ready, But…

Dear Suze, I’m about to be a single 60 y.o. healthy, perky female. Pretty sure I don’t want to be alone forever but doubt I want to remarry. No idea where to start to put myself out there, or if I should just be celibate until I get my head straight. 

Dear Unsure, Early single days can be very emotional and confusing. It’s important to make yourself feel better without being self- or other destructive. You have the freedom to indulge as you see fit including dating, sex or not, without committing to any lasting relationship. 

Share your single status with friends/family, and social networks to see who or what opportunities pop up. Put your toes in the frog pond and see if a prince or only toads nibble. Read my blog pages on glossary of frog types to avoid, tips to check if they’re authentic or scams, and above all enjoy your liberation. You’ve been offered a second chance to recreate your life. Viva la dolce! -SQ