Dirty Laundry

Dear S.Q. I’m embarrassed to write to a stranger, but I can’t talk to anyone about a gross topic, and I’m no prude. My guy and I keep necessities at each other homes as we alternate between them. I did our laundry and found skid marks in his underwear. After I laughed, I was disgusted.

Dear Embarrassed. This is only an issue if it is a repeated problem, a pattern. Like many unpleasant things, you have to plan how to discuss this, not just react by screaming or stringing him up by his thumbs. Plan: #1-determine if he knows he does this. If he says “no,” now he does. #2 -does he agree it’s a problem?  #3 -does he agree it’s HIS problem? Big moment here that will tell a lot about his soul. It’s about how well he takes responsibility, faces something unpleasant, deals with conflict, solves problems. Options to dirty laundry are many: don’t look too closely and just do the damn laundry; you do yours and he does his laundry; you see a dirty pair and throw it away. What’s most important is the quantity of your conversation -hopefully, it was discussed with mutual respect, loving intentions, and with a win-win goal in mind. In the big picture, life is full of shitty situations that you need to handle (not avoid), then never think about again. -SQ