Attachment Styles

Dear Readers: A bit of psych research to make you think. True that communication is critical to a rock solid foundation in a relationship. But also needed is emotional availability. And yes, childhood is where it all began, but later life experiences added to create the NOW YOU. What attachment style was yours with your first caregivers, -Mom, Dad, nanny, others:

(1) Secure-your caregivers were consistent: there when you needed, behind you as you grew in independence, supportive always and your biggest fan. You are empathetic, trusting, good self concept, team player. If you are a securely attached adult, you think true love is fabulous and enduring.

(2) Ambivalent-your caregivers responded inconsistently to your needs or disrupted your activities. You learned to be suspicious, fearful and not count on anyone, yet often clingy and horribly dependent. As an ambivalently attached adult, you fall in and out of love as a regular pastime. 

(3) Avoidant-your caregivers consistently ignored your needs. As a child, you learned to avoid human contact. As an avoidant adult, no surprise here, you doubt love’s existence and intimacy is a major problem, so you don’t bother to really try. You are emotionally unavailable. 

(4) Disorganized-your caregiver gave mixed responses to your needs, so you could never count on them for anything. As a child you were often confused and maybe anxious when an emotional response was required. As a disorganized attached adult, you are untrustworthy as a partner and usually avoid anything deeper than a hook-up.

If trust and emotional intimacy are problems, seek help. It’s NEVER too late to change. -SQ