Fair Fighting, Round One

Dear S. Q.  My wife reads your blog all the time.  Sometimes she reads it out loud and I laugh, but I admit, some advice works.  I thought I'd give you a shot at this problem.  We argue about stupid shit too often.  We've agreed to no name calling and not bring up past issues, but what else?  I'm all ears.

Dear Ears, Lots of articles on Fair Fighting are out there that you should read. Then list the suggestions that work for you both and stick to them.  When someone breaks the agreed rule, call an immediate halt to the rest of the conversation until it's back on track.  Most arguments get ugly fast when you follow some tangent down the rabbit hole of craziness.  Rule number one:  In your own mind, figure out exactly what the problem is, one problem at a time only, present it calmly and offer a possible solution.  Here's a simple example so you get the drift: "Honey, I nearly fell in the toilet again in the middle of the night.  Can we agreed that WE WILL put the seat down?" -Say "we." Do not say "you stupid shithead need to put the seat down." Win-Win: it's a sign of respect for the woman and she might just reward you; it's warm and fuzzy when you both agree on something; a toilet seat down is its natural position; and she won't fall in and call you a shithead for this easy-to-solve problem.  Hang with me Ears, there's more rules, but let's not get overwhelmed.  Start with this one and we'll build from here.   -SQ