Dating And Sex Manual For Elder Daters

Dear S.Q. My kids had me read all the new crap on how to date. Don’t “ghost,” -just let them know you’re not interested. We need a term and dictionary definition for this? “Slow dating,” or “purposeful connections” means seriously courting one person, -allow romance to grow. Again, how do they think their mother and I managed to marry happily for 20+ years? “Catfishing” or “kittenfishing” is the new term for lying? How long does a lie hold up in an intimate relationship is a better question that only requires common sense to answer. Help, real help!

Dear Elder and Wiser, Gen X, Y, Z, etc.will learn that the past repeats itself, but to them, it's still new. Below is the first chapter of my book for your comments, scheduled to be released in 2026. -SQ

                                 CYBER FROGS AND PRINCES:  

                   A SEX MANUAL OF ON-LINE DATING AFTER 50

by

Suze Q.

 

                The names in this book have been changed to protect the innocent, and the rogues.

 

 

My journey has been splendid, beyond my expectations, like the day that I discovered that life was a double-orgasm plunge and later when I found my Prince Charming.  But, it wasn't luck that made my dreams come true; it was honing my intuition and emotional resilience to setbacks, thinking critically, and perseverance in trusting myself to forge my own future -warts and all.  Pucker up readers, let's go swimming for princes.  -SQ

 

"In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves.  The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility." -Eleanor Roosevelt

 

"Seventy.  They say it is the new 69," quipped Al Pacino as Aldo Gucci in the movie, House of Gucci.  This Suze Q. is now 70ish and I'm still breaking my self-imposed barriers and taking risks.  My friends and family watch me like I'm a soap opera star because they've been privy to my on-line dating adventures where success and fun really depend on how young you feel and how good you are at acting and role-playing.  

 

I believe that 70 is the new 50ish if you are in good mental and physical health, have most of your teeth and hair, and survived an overhaul or spot treatments by a cosmetic surgeon.  Improvisational skills are encouraged, as is a strong Peter Pan attitude.  Dating at this age is not for the faint of heart but with a "what's to lose other than continuing to be lonely/horny/restless for the rest of my life" attitude, you keep hoping.  The days crawl by viewing the pictures and profiles of daily victims that are selected by dating sites as scientifically matched potential partners, and you dream of "what if." 

 

Cyberdating in the second half of your life is a brutal, time-consuming and mind-numbing process to remain true to yourself.  You need to grow into and embrace the emerging true you, whether enhanced by cosmetic surgery, a new wardrobe, or an improved lust for life.  Putting yourself out there makes you question who you are and who you appear to be to others.  On dating sites, you provide pictures and a written profile in which you reveal too much or too little.  Men respond or reject you based on those scrapes of data.  I have been on five of the more popular dating sites in the past few years, and the variance seems to be mostly in the cost.  The cheaper the membership, the more ill-fitting matches result.  It seems true that you get what you pay for.  The cheap sites attract more people that increase the number of available men outside your wish list parameters in terms of personality, distance, education, etc., and all importantly, sky-rockets the percentage and sophistication of scams.

 

Three years before I took the plunge into cyber-dating, I met guys through our mutual interests, on-line gaming.  Specifically cards, Texas Hold 'Em and Spades.  Guys love me.  Sometime I'm just a number, but Suze Q is the moniker that I use on most card game sites.  Her picture is the portrait of a luscious redhead with sky blue eyes, somewhere in her late 20s, early 30s.  Nothing like me in reality, except in my heart and mind.  These sites are easy places to practice being a chameleon.  In the chat-rooms, the guys would inevitably ask my age and if I was married.  I took on the role of being their mirror.  If he was in his 40s, 50s, 60s, I was the same.  Widowed, married, separated, divorced -me too.  I viewed the still married or separated guys as lab rats for me to practice my seductive skills.  After all, this was Fantasyland and we were just having innocent fun.

 

When I became serious about adding a companion to my life, I bought a membership for one of the more popular dating sites for professionals over the age of 50.  I tweaked my mimic techniques by imagining that I was the other half of what the dating site gave me as my "daily matches." Whatever his profile said he sought, be it a soul-mate, playmate, or best friend, I became this person for the moment.  When he defined his ideal, I lived inside that woman briefly, allowing myself to transform into those attributes.  Mostly it was a self-test to see if I was comfortable in her shoes.  I read his profile history to understand why he was on this dating site at this point in his life, and I imagined that I was his fantasy woman.  I asked myself if I would be happy fitting into his daily world.  If so, I sent him a smile or message, crossed my fingers and hoped for a positive reply. 

My successes were fun, short-lived affairs but harvested no princes.  But, all of the frogs that I have kissed have honed the sensitivity on my bullshit meter.  These experiences I share with you.