Wednesday, December 17, 2025

Asian and Gay

Dear S. Q., I just married. All of my bi-cultural family are supportive, except my Asian mother, who says gay is “unnatural,” a phase I can choose to outgrow. She throws tantrums or shuts down if anyone challenges her views. The family is furious with her, which she blames on me. My therapist recommended ways to cope with depression, or cut off ties with my mother. Thoughts? 

Dear Mrs. Asia, Think deeply of short and long term consequences of actions only you can choose, none of which will feel good as long as your mother self-righteously disowns you as her daughter. Will she ever except you and your partner, when, and at what cost? Set goals and timelines – if Mom doesn’t meet your partner by X, then cut ties. Reassess after Y amount of time. My heart breaks for you. -SQ

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