Insensitive or Ignorant?

Dear Suze Q. My sister’s dating a guy who can’t look me in the eye and backs up like I’m too close. She tells me to stop judging and grow up. I’m trying to give the benefit of doubt. He’s Asian, we’re not. What’s the deal?

Dear Not. Perhaps growing up isn’t the right advice, but getting educated is. In unfamiliar situations, his culture values indirect eye contact as a sign of respect, not disrespect as you assume. And creating more physical distance is universal that you’re in his personal space, so yes, -you’re too close. Acknowledge that he’s giving you the benefit of doubt that you’re ignorant and can be educated, rather than just an insensitive lout unwilling to learn cultural etiquette. -SQ