Dear Suze, My best friend of 60 years lives an hour away. We don’t see or talk often, holidays mostly. Then we catch up in a matter of moments, including the big worries we’re dealing with, friends/family who are dying or dead. Last week she went to a museum in my town with her cousin, also my friend, and when I asked why I wasn’t invited, she said, “Oh my god! Are we really going to do this? It just happened!” We’re both calm people, so I was stunned by her words and emotion. Was I out of line?
Dear Stunned. Best friends can say anything, and nothing is out of bounds. Looks like she’s your best friend, but you are not hers. Or she has more than one best friend; or her definition of best friend is different than yours; or she has no best friend, just a lot of friends. Your jealousy over her, your emotional territory, is completely normal, but needs to be examined. You aren’t jealous and wish you could replace the cousin and have your bff all to yourself, but you are insecure about the strength of the friendship. Now you know it’s not bulletproof like you thought. Realizing you are not her everything is hurtful. You could talk to her about it, but why? -SQ
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