Dear Suze Q., I’m the oldest child of angry alcoholics and in Al-Anon for years battling my demons. I get overwhelmed taking care of everyone, then I fail them instead. I leave big decisions to others, having learned as a child that my opinions don’t count. My relationships usually go to hell in a few months and this current one is headed that way.
Dear ACA, When you’re consistently loved from infancy, your learn self-worth, and relationships with others are secure and satisfying. If the bond with caregivers is troubled, unpredictable, or worse, your self concept is injured. Children often blame themselves because they haven’t enough life experiences to know when fault is not theirs. Only as an adult, can hindsight show you where the milestones for a happy childhood failed. Al-Anon is great support with others of similar stories, and you should continue if it’s beneficial. I think you’re overdue for short-term, professional counseling to laser focus on your individual problems, -how to be a lovable, equally important partner; realistically assessment of your strengths and weaknesses; follow a game-plan to be happy. -SQ
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