Dear Suze, I’m dating a man who lives with and cares for his mother in her early 90s. She’s physically well though increasingly senile. He spends time at my place to get away from her unrelenting need for companionship, but she calls constantly with dumb requests. We want to marry but he’s tearing himself apart trying to please us both.
Dearie, In practice, he can’t marry you in the traditional way unless you marry his mother too. This is similar to marrying a man with minor children -it’s a package deal. You can solve this with patience, creative thinking, and commitment. Examples: have Mom live with a different person (his sibling, other family member, or a caregiver); buy a home with a mother-in-law suite or granny pod; or elderly retirement home. Cherish the remaining time that the 3 of you have together, but get her a companion so your budding engagement can thrive. -SQ
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