Dear Ms. Q. I thought a lot after I broke off my affair with my lady friend and decided to confess my transgressions to my wife. I got a counselor knowing I couldn't repair the damage to my marriage without expert help for both of us. But it's harder work than I realized and I feel that no matter what I do, my wife might never think it's enough. Sinful and Sorry
Dear S and S. Gutting it out in counseling is extremely hard work, but rewarding if you reach your goals. You both need to agree on a plan such as: #1: Is the goal to stay married and thrive? Yes 🠆 continue in counseling; No 🠆 file for divorce. #2: Agree on ways to regain trust. Example, she has total access to your phone, email, bank accounts, credit card statements. #3: She can ask any questions that make her doubt your truthfulness and you will answer fully with respect and sensitivity. #4: Agree on a time frame (18 months is about average) after which trust and normalcy should be restored to the marriage and either life together is good and should continue, or you go your separate ways. -SQ
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