Dear Suze, I've dated a dozen or so men in the last year from dating sites, but no one calls back for a second one. I'm told that I'm nice looking and kind. I can be fun if I feel safe, but I need to warm up to strangers. During the last one, my girlfriend called me at the outdoor restaurant after 30 minutes, as we planned. I gave her the code word that I was alright and didn't need an excuse to leave. My date asked me if the call was a "safety check." We laughed, but things got really cold after that. Do you think he backed off because he was going to harm me? Anxious gal
Dear Anxious. You've said nothing to indicate that he was a threat. But it sounds like you're giving signals that you don't trust easily and that probably turns guys off. It's hard enough getting to know someone after just one date, but if the guy keeps banging his head against your defenses, you're signaling the party's over before it ever began. Do some reading to distinguish real threats and learn to balance trust with caution. Otherwise, you may never have that second date. -SQ
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