She’s Like a Sensible Pair of Shoes

Dear Suze, Talk about a bland life. I live it and it gives me stability and comfort. I'm stoic like my father, a veteran of WWII. People say I'm a nice guy, but when I heard the term "vanilla" I chuckled that that was me. My co-worker, a widow for years, is always jovial and greets me with real warmth. We talk everyday about our lives and dreams, more than I do with my wife. I've fantasized about spending more time with her, she's like a sensible pair of shoes. 

Dear Vanilla, What's missing in your marriage that you don't share dreams? What's the advantage of going from "comfortable" vanilla with your wife to "sensible" with your co-worker? Perhaps depth and quality of the emotional bond with your wife is rusty? An honest agreement with your wife about the need to spice up your marriage might reset the trajectory of your life together. Also, DO something to "unstick" your daily routine, -make date nights, buy a good brandy, and/or watch a conversation-stimulating movie.  Fantasize all you want about your co-worker but acting on these thoughts may produce consequences too high for comfort. -SQ

Is The Marriage Worth Fighting For?

Dear Suz, I’ve been married for 30 beautiful years and love my wife deeply. Our “work hard & play hard” came to a screeching halt five years ago with my stroke. I’m fully recovered but lead a slower life with no booze or cigarettes. My wife still does both and says I’m no fun. I think she’s headed for her own crash and burn but she won’t listen. We’ve drifted apart, talk less, do more things separately. I’m considering exploring a secret life and letting our marriage collapse from neglect. Thoughts?

Dear Crossroads, Doing nothing is indeed one choice, but don’t lie to yourself later that you had no fault in the divorce. If you don’t care if the marriage survives, thrives, or flat-lines, maybe letting it take its natural course is fine. But if you’re not sure, seek answers, talk it out. Speak with her, chat with yourself in the mirror, confide in friends/family who give wise advice, or an unbiased professional. Don’t burden anyone by asking them to condone your choice to commit infidelity and lead a double life. That decision and consequences are yours alone. -SQ

Not Sure I’m Ready, But…

Dear Suze, I’m about to be a single 60 y.o. healthy, perky female. Pretty sure I don’t want to be alone forever but doubt I want to remarry. No idea where to start to put myself out there, or if I should just be celibate until I get my head straight. 

Dear Unsure, Early single days can be very emotional and confusing. It’s important to make yourself feel better without being self- or other destructive. You have the freedom to indulge as you see fit including dating, sex or not, without committing to any lasting relationship. 

Share your single status with friends/family, and social networks to see who or what opportunities pop up. Put your toes in the frog pond and see if a prince or only toads nibble. Read my blog pages on glossary of frog types to avoid, tips to check if they’re authentic or scams, and above all enjoy your liberation. You’ve been offered a second chance to recreate your life. Viva la dolce! -SQ

Not A MUSEd

Dear Readers, I'm pissed. And not one bit a-MUSEd with the pop-up dough boy ads range from in-plain-sight malignancy with AI as co-signer onto my bank account (credit cards, stocks/bonds) to disguised-innocence no-brain games. MY image (at the right) of a texting crowned frog lounging in a high heel is MY trademark and displayed throughout my book Cyber Frogs And Princes: A Sex Manual Of On-Line Dating After 50. Does Muse, owned by Meta, know this or care? Apparently not, because violating my intellectual property by copying this image and offering to make it 3D-animated didn't give them any pause. Mark Zuckerberg, czar in charge of MUSE, said the company should "profit by taking a small fee from transactions." Zuckerberg's net worth is $269 billion. Check back in a year and see what your "small fee" to this cutesy shapeshifter dough boy has added to the czar’s overall wealth.  

I'm particularly incensed that MUSE creators have the audacity to replace parenting of our kids. AI Summary writes that Muse's games and exercises are an "innovative approach allows kids to understand their brain activity and improve their mental clarity, ultimately supporting their overall development." Read that again. Allows kids to understand their brain activity. What the fuck? Most adults don't "understand their brain activity." 

Is this Zuckerberg hyperbole and double-speak, or does it mean the AI they're selling us as an innocent taste is actually a poison apple disguised to replace parents? These ads are insipid and embedded in my computer games, chatted about on Reddit, and blocked by Amazon retail website as violating their conditions of use. (Thank you, Amazon).

Sorry for my rant and your patience. -SQ

Naive v Knowledgeable: Trust, Trust But Verify, Don’t Trust

Dear Suze, Our college kid is gullible and believes too much is true. Luckily, she calls often and comes home on weekends, but I fear she'll do something regrettable. 

Dear Parent, Level with her. Tell her exactly what you said here, with recent examples. Hopefully, she will do regrettable things that are not very yucky, but that she'll learn from. Being too naive provides teachable moments for parents. Trusting is a good trait, as opposed to not trusting anyone or anything. Next step, learn to trust, but always verify. 

Good communication is the power behind successes -marriages, business negotiations, leadership. Teach her to flush out information quickly to determine if something or someone is solid. Journalists and other seekers of truth get to the heart of an issue in six questions: who, what, when, where, why, and how. An inquisitive nature may piss off those forcing their version of the "truth," but tell her to hang tight. Trusting someone is earned, it is not a given. -SQ

La La Land, Hollywood Style

 

They say California is the land of fruit and nuts, derogatory terms for gays and crazies. Yep, we got them and we love them. I’m not religious, but the greater metropolitan area of Los Angeles with its over 18 million residents (2nd largest city in the U.S.) is like a big Noah’s Ark with at least two of every group that roams the earth. We are a sanctuary city, -hell we’re a sanctuary state. The Statue of Liberty 2 should be in our Port of Los Angeles Harbor as a universal symbol of freedom, democracy, and safe harbor for those yearning to breathe free. Our equivalent is the Hollywood Sign, a modern symbol that includes ambition, glamor, and dreams. A city of opportunity.

L.A. has LGBTQ+ politicians, world influencers, and drag queens. Hollywood no longer closets sexual orientation like in the days of Rock Hudson, Greta Garbo, Cary Grant, Barbara Stanwyck, Cesar Romero, Marlene Dietrich, Marlon Brando, all with universal fan clubs. Don't forget the cults, political extremists, alleged self-help groups, and other counterculture movements that adds to our city's vibrance. 

And the nuts. The California sun and fertile soil of the 450 mile long Central Valley harvests everything from award-winning grapevines to more than 1/3 of all fruits and vegetables consumed in the U.S. But the most famous nuts we harvest in L.A. happen to be of the genius variety: Elon Musk (SpaceX and Tesla), George Abell (astronomer, and my Astronomy 101 professor), Julia Ann (porn actress, just checking to see if you’re still reading), Bobby Fischer (world chess champion), Charles Richter (designer of earthquake magnitude scale), and hundreds more.

The Hollywood Sign is the West Coast equivalent of the Statue of Liberty that in 1886 welcomed immigrant to the land of the free and home of the brave. America's national anthem, "America the Beautiful" announces that America does "crown thy good with brotherhood from sea to shining sea," -from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. America was meant as a melting pot of humanity, welcoming everyone who can contribute to the good of America with a good heart, good intentions towards America and mankind, and good contributions to live an American "patriot dream." L.A. still thrives because of its diversity and inclusion. -SQ   

Heil Trump

Dear S.Q. My husband and I were invited to dinner with new church friends. There was no dinner, just snacks. Their house had Trump paraphernalia everywhere and they wanted to recruit us for “Christians for Trump.” We complained that he pardoned criminals, supported Putin/Kim Jong-un, stole Venezuela, didn’t support Ukraine, started an illegal and unnecessary Iran war, etc. They smirked that we didn’t have the real facts, but they’d be glad to explain it to us. We're furious that they deceived us and abused our friendship.

Dear Duped. It is Christian to turn the other cheek and not argue or try to convince them of your viewpoint, but there is no reason to show them further kindness. If asked, state bluntly that your political views make it impossible to be friends with them. Tell them the Bible isn't a big fan of deceit, like Proverbs 14:5 -"An honest witness does not deceive..." or Ephesians 5:6 -"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient." -SQ