Love-Hate Boundaries

Dear Suze Q. Our adult daughter stayed with us for a disastrous weekend. She got so drunk she slept 24 hours, then bought more alcohol. My wife wouldn't leave her alone until she went to the E.R., against my wishes that she tough it out alone like every drunk I've ever known. They fixed her up momentarily, but she missed her flight home, jeopardizing her job and live-in relationship. Our daughter thanked her mom for stopping her from leaving the house to buy more alcohol and wished I set limits better. I was stunned and saddened. 

Dear Dad, doing nothing like you wanted can be the right call but not as a knee-jerk decision or made emotionally when angry. People of all ages want to know the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Children especially, even adult children. We live in a rule-based society and limits/boundaries teach you how to act. With consequences; -positive for playing within the rules, and negative for not. Imprisoning her until she went to the ER was a hard limit that needed to be enforced and the consequence for her self-destructive drinking behavior under your roof. Tough love saves lives. -SQ