Look At Me

Dear S.Q. I have always had trouble maintaining eye contact. I’m not autistic. I feel judged which stems from my harsh childhood where children were to be seen and not hear; and if heard, I better say something brilliant or I’d be punished and shamed.

Dear Anxious, People who look others in the eye are perceived as friendly and honest, and that creates a lot of pressure for people who have anxiety, social anxiety more precisely, and eye contact anxiety specifically, like you. Ask your MD/mental health professional to screen and treat you for anxiety. Try exercises like: 1) practice eye contact in the mirror or with social media/TV characters; 2) Triangle Technique - imagine an inverted triangle between the person’s eyes and mouth and stay for at least 5”-10” before looking away; 3) 50/70 Rule -maintain eye contact 50% of time when speaking and 70% when listening. Don’t give up. Every self-improvement has multiple benefits. -SQ