All Truths Are Not Equal

Dear S.Q. My 12-y.o. wants to know why we’re divorcing. How much detail should I say about her mother’s cheating?

Dear Dad, Tell her ZERO about her mother’s affairs. Tell the basics, without blame. Ex: we married young and 20 years later we’d grown apart and out of love. NOT: Your lying scumbag other parent had affairs. 

If she wants to know more, judge what to tell her and how much. She’s a CHILD, and your job is to protect her from the crap in this world. Like peeling an onion, too much of the truth leaves a stinky taste in your mouth that’s hard to swallow. Don’t fall into the trap of trash talking your spouse because 1) half your kid’s DNA is that parent, 2) let your kid come to her own conclusion if someone is to blame, 3) be the parent. Your CHILD is hurting and needs comfort. Don’t add more anger and heartache by dumping your feelings onto her, or lie to yourself that she’s old enough to know “the truth.” -SQ