Dear Suze Q. My 9-year old is smart, very headstrong, and argues with me until I’m exhausted. I say “no,” but he has logical points and I don’t want to stifle his creative disagreements.
Dear Exhausted, You’re confusing “creative disagreements” with your kid’s failure to accept “NO.” He continues to argue because he senses he’ll get a “yes” if he badgers you. This isn’t healthy parenting and will only teach him how to be a verbal bully. YOU need to learn to say “no” and teach him that when you do, he is to instantly, immediately stop arguing. Only say “maybe” with a timeline - Ex: “Maybe. Let me think about it until bedtime. But, the answer will be “no” if you ask me again.”
Teaching a kid boundaries may make you feel like the bad guy now, but it’s good parenting. A teen or adult who doesn’t stop when told, is headed for a lifetime of fantasy that he’s the victim, or a self-diluted brilliant negotiator that others see as a repugnant bully. You're the role model, set the example. Mean what you say, and say (clearly, repeatedly, unambiguously) what you mean. -SQ
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