Dear Suze, You often suggest that people set “boundaries.” What’s that really mean? I had 3 siblings growing up and we all turned out healthy and happy even though the family rules were pretty loosey-goosey. As an adult, I find myself in trouble sometimes by trusting too easily and being too nosy.
Dear Trusting. Successful societies operate on rules -stop at red lights, do not steal. They are lines in the sand, signaling “do not cross.” Personal boundaries are rules you set for yourself that others know and respect. Some are hard boundaries like no physical or verbal assaults will ever be tolerated. Password protection is a hard boundary of your privacy. Some boundaries have wiggle-room -it’s ok sometimes to greet someone with a kiss on the lips, but only if you give permission. Then there are loose boundaries (more like guidelines than rules), like exploratory sex where you only cry “boundary” after you’ve smacked into one. It’s okay to figure out where a boundary is after you’ve crossed it -just learn from the mistake. Some boundaries change over time as part of maturing, so have a heart-to-heart, no bullshit, honest self-chat when needed. -SQ
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