Dear Suze, I’m recently divorced but we argue all the time through text and phone calls. It starts out about the kids, then devolves to name-calling and blaming. I still love part of him, but hate him more. Something has to change.
Dear Divorced, For something to change, someone has to change. And since you can’t change another person, that means YOU have to change your behavior. Most people think that hate is the opposite of love as both are strong emotions, laser-focused on the object that consumes you. But hate will eventually destroy you. Others believe indifference is the opposite of love. A healthy choice that allows you to break the hold he has over you, and in time, to love again. Easy to say, -practice indifference, let it be, but torturously hard to do. Take one day at a time with your ex. Write him that you’re done arguing, and to not contact you unless it’s about the kids. Cut off his phone calls and ignore his texts when they aren’t child-centered issues. You’ll never be free if you continue to stay engaged. -SQ
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