Blending A Family

Dear Suz, I’m dating a woman and her two preteen boys are rude to her and to me. I understand, “you’re not my dad so I don’t have to listen to you,” but it doesn’t make for a smooth household. How tough should I be? -Not their dad

Dear Not their dad, Blending households is difficult, but so is having the new guy be your mother’s current favorite. Since you're not their step-dad, you should let Mom do all the discipline, with you only as her supportive back-up (as in never contradict her in front of the kids or try to be their buddy to side with them against Mom). You both need to sit the kids down and have Mom explain the rules that everyone must respect each other and that defiance or rule-breaking will have consequences. Let the kids know you will not keep secrets from Mom because it is her house and you respect her rules. You are a role-model for these kids in how change can be rewarding, so be yourself and be patient. -SQ