Is Emotional Cheating Really Cheating? Absolutely Yes.

 

Dear Suze,  I've never questioned my wife's behaviors. But too many little things have changed, she puts her phone face-down, checks it a lot, and takes it into the bathroom.  After I saw her secretly texting in the garage, I peeked at her phone. I felt bad, but I had to know if I was crazy. There was NOTHING, no messages sent or received. I think she's deleting calls too. What should I say? 

 

Dear What. Trust but verify, right? You questioned her trust, and your suspicions of "micro-cheating," which is emotional CHEATING, are justified. Now go verify. (1) Review and renegotiate your commitment agreement -is it clear that neither of you should do or say anything with another person that your partner cannot know 100% about or would hurt their feelings? (2) Tell her you may be wrong but you're worried and want a "one time only open book" period (one week?) to renew your love with access to each other's phones. (3) If she refuses, you have a problem and should see a couples counselor.  Unless, of course, you're an abusive, jealous, controlling partner and then she should be the one to schedule a therapy session to help her leave you. -SQ